I’m not a huge Star Wars fan, but even I know the scene from The Empire Strikes Back when a grown-up Luke Skywalker battles Darth Vader with 1980s special effect light sabers, only to hear what is surely one of the most misquoted lines in movie history:
“Luke, I am your father.”
The line in the film is actually, “No—I am your father,” but that just doesn’t quite fit our “dad” yearnings or woundings.
Every man wants our parents, even those we have some issues with, to speak our name.
At a few obscure points in the Old Testament, Yahweh refers to Israel—His chosen son and family—as “Jeshurun” (e.g., Isaiah 44:2, etc.).
It’s a personal term of endearment, just like most parents have for their kids, and we only get to hear it a few times in Scripture.
God longs to uniquely speak our name as well, even when we’re grown-up.
We are all God’s son, and we are all someone’s natural son. As we age, being an adult son doesn’t diminish the journey of sonship. We may not all have kids, but we never stop being someone’s kid. Like getting past acne or the inevitable diminishing of youthful vigor, sonship is the common journey for all men. We are all peers in an adventure that is a mixture of the heartaches of Skywalker and warm terms of endearment.
God longs to uniquely speak our name as well, even when we’re grown-up.
As a grown-up son who has now lost both my mother and father, I continue to reflect on these themes and offer a few reflections on being an adult son that hopefully encourages us all:
Mature, and be childlike.
Jesus pointed to the faith of a child as a sign of getting life and discipleship right (Matthew 18:1-5). As we grow and take on new responsibilities, we must embrace spiritual, emotional, and relational maturity that leaves behind the “childish,” but this doesn’t mean we should abandon being child-like. Kids have a way of innocently trusting, responding, and risking that is easy to lose as we age. As an adult son, embrace maturity with healthy childlikeness.
Mature, and be curious.
Time is ticking along. You are going to age, and you are not going to get younger. So, yes, mature as you age (the two are not necessarily synonymous), but don’t lose your curiosity. Be curious about the aging your parents are experiencing and listen to the perspective of life that comes from those further along the journey. You will not have their voices in your life forever. At the same time, remain curious about those younger than you: your own children, nieces and nephews, or others you are investing in. Stay curious, my sons.
Mature, and be teachable.
As a child, we learn from our parents a great deal. We mimic them. We imitate them. We often want to grow up to be like them. As children, we lean toward teachableness. As we grow up, this teachableness can turn to “know-it-all-ness” for men, particularly in this digital age where progress can leave an older generation behind and the younger become the “experts.” Teachableness is a sign of maturity, and an adult son never stops learning.
Mature, and be a servant.
Someone wiped your bum. Remember that. They were imperfect. They may have let you down. Or, perhaps, they became your greatest heroes. Still, the reality is that you’re only alive because someone sacrificially served your newborn vulnerability.
I remember the humbling honor it was to feed my mom pureed nursing home fare when her degenerative disease made it impossible for her to feed herself. I learned a lot about my middle-aged selfishness in those days of learning to serve more selflessly. I realized I still had growing up to do.
As an adult son, you will learn to serve in new ways. Some of it will be joyful, but much of it may not be. Again, someone wiped your bum. Remember that. And the One who is your Lord came to serve and not be served (Mark 10:42-45). Remember that too.
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