When it comes to romance, there is a profound mystery in Scripture.
As Paul teaches on marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33, he discusses the relationship between a husband and wife, but then abruptly transitions in verse 32 to refer to Christ and the Church.
Likewise, the Song of Songs has been debated for centuries. Some people view it as a portrayal of God’s covenantal love for His people. Others see two human lovers in hot pursuit of each other.
However one interprets it, the very existence of the debate reveals something important:
Earthly marriage is a picture of the covenantal relationship God has established with His people.
Because of this, when we, earthly husbands, seek to romance our wives, it helps to remember why the idea of romance matters so much to God.
Earthly marriage is a picture of the covenantal relationship God has established with His people.
First, romancing our wives invites us to become like Christ.
Ephesians 5:25 tells us, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.”
Jesus came not to protect Himself, but to pour Himself out. He didn’t come to be loved, but to love. His relentless pursuit of intimacy with us outweighs even the most painful betrayals of His Bride.
When Peter denied Jesus three times, Jesus knew exactly what Peter had done. Yet instead of withdrawing, growing bitter, or withholding affection, Jesus proceeded to lay down His life for Peter and, after the resurrection, move quickly to restore their unity in John 21:1-25.
In this story, we see Jesus helping Peter when he’s struggling to catch fish, Jesus making Peter breakfast, Jesus opening the door for Peter to declare his love for Jesus, and then Jesus reinforcing Peter’s call as a leader of the early church.
So, consider this:
Do your wife’s failures ever hinder you from romancing her?
When she falls short of her Biblical call to respect you, do you imitate Christ by continuing to pursue, serve, and love her?
Or do you pull away because of how her actions made you feel?
The call for romance goes beyond simply being good husbands. It provides an opportunity for Christlike love to become the foundation of our lives.
Secondly, romancing our wives opens the door for both spouses to dwell in Christ’s extravagant love.
When we read Scripture as a love story between Christ and His people, we can learn practical ways to romance our wives.
Ezekiel 16 portrays God pursuing Jerusalem as His bride. In verses 10–14, He says:
“I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewelry… and a beautiful crown on your head… You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen… because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign Lord.”
In this passage, God makes even the ordinary romantic. A bride is capable of dressing herself, putting jewellery on her body, and making herself beautiful. Yet God chooses to step in and do it Himself.
Was such extravagance necessary for her to get things done that day? Of course not. But God knows His Bride was not created merely to be productive. She was created to shine in the light of His love.
Romance is about going out of our way to make a wife feel loved and secure in the unity of marriage. It’s here that she will feel empowered to shine.
What if we step in for our wives not because they need us to, but simply to remind them they are deeply loved?
Romance is about going out of our way to make a wife feel loved and secure in the unity of marriage.
When she leaves the house, we can say, “See you later”—or, we can give her a wink and tell her we can’t wait to spend time together when she gets home.
One is ordinary. The other? Romantic and empowering.
When we pass our wife in the hallway, we can politely move aside, or we can take five seconds to grab her hands, spin her around, and tell her how grateful we are for her.
One is ordinary. The other makes her feel cherished.
Psalm 143:8 speaks of receiving God’s love fresh each morning. What if we did that ourselves with the Lord each morning and then turned over to ask our wives how we can love them best that day?
Now we are imitating Christ in unity, rather than simply getting ourselves ready for the day.
These small acts remind her of her worth, while reminding us of how God willingly inconvenienced Himself to pour out His love on us.
God did not need to pursue us. Yet He chose to, and His pursuit never stops. Romancing our wives is not another item on a to-do list. It is a sacred participation in His covenantal love.
Thirdly, God has given us the unique opportunity to bring joy to our wives in a way no one else can.
Genesis 4:1 tells us that Adam “knew” his wife. The Hebrew word yada speaks of sexual intercourse, but takes it beyond a physical connection to a deep, intimate knowing of another.
I have a friend many men might envy. Early in his marriage, he bought his wife flowers for Valentine’s Day, even though he disliked the holiday and thought flowers were a waste of money. In his mind, she was worth it.
To his surprise, she asked him never to buy her flowers again and to bring home chocolate instead.
What a win! Not only could he now save money on flowers, but he could also make her feel cherished because the gift of chocolate tells her that he knows her and cares about her desires.
On the other hand, if our wives have expensive tastes, sacrificing some coffees or other unnecessary expenditures in order to be able to romance her will fall right in line with God lavishing His wife with extravagant gifts. I fully believe that God will honour a man sacrificing himself for the sake of his bride because this is loving her the way Christ loves the Church!
Romancing our wives calls men into a lifelong pursuit of knowing their preferences, their joys, what makes them feel safe, celebrated, and seen.
If you haven’t mastered this yet, welcome to the club of imperfect husbands.
The call for romance isn’t meant to produce shame if you’ve made mistakes. It’s an invitation into a never-ending pursuit of imitating Christ and making His Kingdom known in your marriage.
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