Upon seeing this article title, no doubt a number of men instantly heard this 90s classic in their heads—a fairly shallow and light exploration of love, to say the least—but undeniably catchy!
You’re welcome for putting that in your head all day!
It’s Valentine’s Day in a few days (fair warning, gents!) and men everywhere (hopefully) are doing something nice or buying something nice or taking their sweetheart somewhere nice to show her that he loves her.
Of course, we don’t need to (and shouldn’t) limit such acts to one day.
But honestly, it’s just not that hard to show our lady that we love her. Do something. It doesn’t take much. And anything is better than “nothing”—“nothing” sends a message.
With all the talk about love and romance at this time of year, Christian men often lean on the famous 1 Corinthians 13 passage we read at weddings.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Beautiful words!
And yet, as we have already explored, words that are actually not meant primarily when talking about romance, but about the common love we share with everyone—even the people we don’t like (Matthew 5:43-48).
There’s another powerful snapshot of what love looks like in Scripture, which also goes beyond romantic love, and it comes to us from 1 John 3:16:
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
And there it is.
An excellent, biblical, brief, Christ-centered, practical expression of the very word “love.”
What is love?
A Cross.
In the Kingdom, love looks like a Cross.
The very expression of self-emptying, other-centered, sacrificial love.
How do we know when we truly love someone?
When we’re willing to act like this.
In the Kingdom, love looks like a Cross.
Love is an emotion, but not just an emotion. Emotions ebb and flow and can be affected by many things.
But love is also a commitment and an action, deeply rooted in self-sacrifice for the sake of another. It’s a posture that puts the other first. It’s action that doesn’t focus on me but elevates you.
And it all stems from this conviction that such loving commitment and action can always be done, regardless of whether or not I’m “feeling it” on any particular day.
These self-sacrificing demonstrations of care can happen if I’m annoyed with my spouse today.
They can happen if I’m exhausted and my mind is foggy.
They can happen if I’m feeling overly affectionate or whether it’s just “a day” full of work and chores and busyness and the like.
In this Kingdom, love looks like a Cross. Men who follow the Saviour on that Cross follow His example of love: laying down ourselves for the sake of others.
It’s a common trope in endless movies—the hero who sacrifices himself for others. Iron Man destroying the Infinity Stones at the cost of his life; the dad from A Quiet Place dying to save his kids; Harry sacrificing himself for humanity in Armageddon, or the Terminator robot destroying himself to save the world in that scene with the molten steel, to name just a few.
Men love movies like this because it stirs something deep within us. We love our families, and we want to think that, if push came to shove, we would summon the resolve to act like these Hollywood heroes do.
And you know what? We probably would.
But let’s also be realistic: It’s highly unlikely that I’ll find myself in a place where I need to literally lay my life down to save the whole world. Dying to save my family is more likely, but there’s still a pretty good chance that I won’t ever get called to do that.
We like those movie scenes because they involve glorious self-sacrifice. Even in the sacrifice, which is real, there is also real glory in it for the hero.
But what about non-glorious self-sacrifice?
That’s the point of the Cross. It wasn’t glorious. It had a glorious ending in the resurrection, but the self-sacrifice itself was anything but.
The Cross was nothing but excruciating agony, abject humiliation, rejection and soul-crushing loneliness, and ultimately, the darkest of deaths.
Even if we never need to literally lay down our lives for the ones we love, are we willing to lay down our lives in smaller, less-glorious ways, every day?
I saw a tweet once that I’m afraid I haven’t been able to find again, but it said something along the lines of, “If you won’t wash the dishes for your wife, you lack the character to take a bullet for her.”
Isn’t that something?
Taking a bullet for her—no doubt, that is true love. That is real sacrifice. But it’s glorious sacrifice. You’d be a hero! You’d be in the news. You’d be praised everywhere.
What about the non-glorious self-sacrifice of washing the dishes for her? Buying her a little Valentine’s candy? Regularly speaking words of love and encouragement? Taking things off her plate? Making her life a little easier?
That is biblical love, too.
Men likely won’t get in the news for that. But you will be walking in the footsteps of the feet-washing Saviour, who lived a life of selfless self-sacrifice and called us to follow His example of love (Philippians 2:3-11).
About
