Bible Passage: “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me. And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness.” (Psalm 55:4-7 ESV)
Scripture Reading: 2 Samuel 15:31; Psalm 55:12-15
There are very few things in life that hurt a man more than the betrayal of a close friend.
In Psalm 55, David laments about the betrayal of a close friend with whom he had served the Lord in sweet fellowship.
Most commentators, including Matthew Henry, interpret Psalm 55 as reflecting David’s experience of Ahithophel’s betrayal during his son Absalom’s rebellion in 2 Samuel 15.
Ahithophel wasn’t just someone David had shared his plans and strategies with; He was someone who had occupied a place of trust and intimacy in his life. To have a close friend turn against you in the midst of navigating the betrayal of your own son…I can only imagine the depth of pain that David would have felt.
This is clear in David’s prayer here in Psalm 55. His heart was in anguish. The Hebrew word used here describes the experience of being distressed, wounded, and in great agony.
In verses 5-7, we see David fantasizing about flying and wandering far away from this pain. It’s a deeply relatable response.
When men experience overwhelming pain, our first instinct is to flee from the pain because that’s what we need to do to survive, whether that’s physically or psychologically. In pain, we need relief.
The problem, though, is when this becomes habitual.
Dr. Russ Harris uses the term experiential avoidance to describe our tendency to avoid or get rid of difficult, unwanted thoughts and feelings.
All sorts of addictions and patterns we can’t break out of, including drugs, alcohol, and broken relationships, can be understood as different versions of experiential avoidance—attempts to avoid unwanted feelings. It’s a significant cause of everything from depression to anxiety to eating disorders.
We keep engaging in this avoidance even when it hurts us, though, because it actually works by giving us short-term relief from our pain.
Yet, over time, chronic avoidance leads to rumination, compulsive behaviors, emotional numbness, greater anxiety, and more. The avoidance of pain becomes costly.
Notice in Psalm 55 that even though David imagines running away, he continues to feel and experience the pain of betrayal in prayer. Like Jesus’ prayer in Gethsemane (Matthew 26:38-44), David doesn’t avoid the pain—He processes it with the Lord in prayer.
The ability to do this is critical for a man to maintain a sound mind.
Prayer: Lord Jesus, I pray that You would reveal to me how the avoidance of pain is fueling my addictions and compulsions. As You uncover the pain that drives these patterns, I pray that You would teach me to process this pain with You in prayer. May Your truth replace my fleshly efforts as my source of relief. Amen.
Reflection: Are there any compulsions, addictions, and repetitive patterns that you have been unable to break out of? How might these patterns be masking and covering a pain that you haven’t wanted to feel or experience?
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