Bible Passage: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 ESV)
Scripture Reading: Colossians 3:3-5; James 1:4 James 4:7
Most Christian men have generally been given only two messages about sex:
Don’t watch porn and don’t have sex outside of marriage.
Both are good, but both are about what not to do.
Because our sexual desires are real, but we’re rarely taught what to do with them, men can easily find themselves in trouble with immorality, or a spouse who feels like our approach to sex is all about us at the expense of herself, as examples.
Scripture talks about sexuality in three distinct categories:
Godly sex, sexual desire, and sexual immorality.
Sexual immorality teaches us to ignore God and pursue pleasure for ourselves at the expense of another, which is the total opposite of God’s design for both godly sex and our desires.
Many of us think that sexual desires are only ever fulfilled through sexual experiences. It makes sense until we learn to be led by the Holy Spirit in our sexuality rather than led by physical desires.
When we learn to control our bodies with holiness and honor Him through the leading of the Holy Spirit, we start to see how God uses these desires to sanctify us, whether we have sex or not.
Throughout Scripture, God uses deprivation and trials to train His people. This is why God gave us sexual desires at a young age, but restricted godly sex for marriage when we get a little older. His design is for us to learn satisfaction and peace in Him through deprivation first, so that we can display His character in marriage when He gives a green light for sex.
Sexual desires are like desires for anything else, such as chocolate, coffee, a trip to Hawaii, or watching the Toronto Maple Leafs win a Stanley Cup. We don’t always get what we desire.
Desires don’t make us bad, and they are not wrong in themselves. God uses them to train us in dying to self, glorifying God, and living for the benefit of others, and it’s in this training ground that we learn to have the best approach to godly sex in marriage.
Prayer: Lord, train me to live for You in all ways. Train me to control my body not just to not sin, but to control it with holiness and honor for Your great Name. Teach me to submit myself, my desires, and my body to You, and that I will receive all of the instruction and maturing that You want to bring me through. Amen.
Reflection: Do you ever feel guilty when you experience sexual desires? How might sexual desires be a training ground for you to die to yourself?
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