It was my first time wearing a real baseball jersey, and I was extremely proud of myself.
That pride quickly turned to shame when, near the end of the game, I finally made it to base through an error by the other team.
The next batter hit the ball cleanly into the outfield, and as I rounded third, my troubles began.
A cacophony of voices shouted conflicting directions. “Go home!” some yelled. “Stay on third!” others urged.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the ball coming my way, and I froze partway between the bases. An infielder who now had the ball in his glove was confused and stood there watching me.
Finally, he sauntered over and tagged me out. Our team lost, and the pride of wearing that jersey dissolved into frustration and shame.
Looking back, my problem was simple:
I didn’t know which voice to listen to. And that same problem followed me into early adulthood.
By then, I had become a born-again Christian. I had begun the practice of trying to listen to God’s voice through His Holy Spirit—reading Scripture in solitude and seeking Him in morning devotions. Yet without a Christian father or family to guide me, I was often left guessing what the right decision would be as I tried to follow God’s voice.
Looking back, my problem was simple: I didn’t know which voice to listen to.
I also had what I call “the committee of voices” in my head. I think all men do. That “committee” is made up of competing inputs, things like:
- The cultural code of ethics around us
- Social media input and news cycles
- Our personal belief system
- Our “life script”—those deep-seated beliefs formed in childhood by parents, teachers, and other authority figures.
When the messages spoken into our lives are grounded in truth and love, our life script can be healthy. Too often, though, those messages are rooted in pain, disappointment, or misjudgment. These inner voices bias our decision-making, making it hard to discern the truth of God’s destiny for our lives.
Some of these inner voices sound like this:
- “You’ll never amount to anything.”
- “What will others think of you?”
- “No matter how many times you try, bad things will happen.”
Each man could fill in our own blanks here.
Culture can be a powerful force that bends our beliefs and pushes us in an unhelpful direction. For example, as I entered adulthood, the culture around me said that men don’t cry and they shouldn’t need to rely on others. Seeking counsel was a sign of weakness or even failure.
There is also a spiritual component. The enemy is real. Every temptation begins with a whisper. That destructive habit or negative thought pattern usually starts with an invitation to believe a lie about ourselves, about others, or about God. And when we sin, those voices begin to shout the lies that debilitate us and drown out our ability to hear the truth.
That destructive habit or negative thought pattern usually starts with an invitation to believe a lie about ourselves, about others, or about God.
So how does a man discern which voices to listen to when making decisions?
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned, and perhaps they will help you, too.
1. Learn to listen to understand, not just respond.
In my family, we used to joke, “Don’t talk while I’m interrupting.” Sadly, it was often true. Too many men listen only long enough to reload their own opinion. But Proverbs 11:14 reminds us: “In the abundance of counselors there is victory.” Listening well enriches us with perspectives we would never gain on our own.
2. Test everything.
Not every voice is good. Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:21: “Test all things; hold fast to what is good.” Scripture must be the plumb line of our decision-making.
3. Have someone review your “life script.”
In the film industry, screenplays go through many revisions before they are released for production. Maybe your life script needs some editing. Some negative beliefs need to be erased and replaced. How? A counselor, mentor, or wise friend can assist with asking the right questions and pointing out where those unhealthy ideas have taken root. God’s Holy Spirit plays an essential role in whispering the truths we need to hear about ourselves, others, and God Himself.
4. Let peace be the umpire in your decision-making.
Colossians 3:15 tells us: “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” Pay attention to what robs you of your peace. Fear, anger, greed, and pride are what I call “blocking emotions.” They cloud our ability to discern wisely. Fear often masquerades as discernment. Anger pretends to be courage. Pride disguises itself as confidence. My worst financial mistakes came when I let fear or greed make hasty choices without seeking counsel.
5. Use the wisdom test.
Ask yourself: “Will this decision still look wise five years from now?” Declare the death of “hurry” over your decision-making. Rarely is rushing the path to wisdom.
6. Take a break from the noise.
Sometimes the loudest voices are the ones we need to turn off. Recently, I entered a four-month, 100% “news fast.” Though I prided myself on being “balanced” in my news sources, I found myself more obsessed with current events, eager to share opinions that nobody had asked for. Those conversations left me unsettled, not at peace.
For four months, I avoided news in every form. To my surprise, peace returned to my heart. My mind was rinsed clean of constant noise and distraction.
That childhood baseball game years ago taught me the cost of listening to the wrong voices—or of not listening at all! Life is full of competing shouts, but only one voice matters most.
Jesus said: “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27).
When we listen well, test all things, let Scripture be our plumb line, review our life scripts, seek wise counsel, allow Christ’s peace to umpire our hearts, pursue wisdom, and take breaks from all the noise, we can run home with confidence—rather than freeze in confusion.
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