No-shows are one of the most frustrating realities a men’s leader faces.
You put a lot of energy into planning that event or study, only to have men who told you they would be there not show up. Guys tell you they will serve on a team, only to suddenly be unavailable when it comes time for the team to meet.
Along the way, you experience disappointment and maybe even anger. If you are wondering whether you should just give up, you’re not alone. But before you give up, take a couple of minutes to read this article.
Start with Some Perspective
Do you have any idea why your guys aren’t showing up?
I know, you expected me to answer that question for you. But the truth is, only the guys who aren’t showing up know why. It might be worth asking them or getting to know their stories a little bit more. There are literally dozens of good reasons for a man to miss out on what you have planned. Before jumping to all the possible reasons of him being lazy or you being a failure, give him the benefit of the doubt.
I lead a weekly small group. Because of the relationships we have formed, I already know when a guy is facing personal challenges or traveling, and I rarely worry when he doesn’t show up because I know whatever he’s dealing with has probably gotten in the way of our group that week. If I don’t know, I drop him a text to make sure he’s ok, and usually I find out more of the story, which leads to an opportunity for me to pray for him or encourage him.
One of the most common complaints I hear from men’s leaders is that the guys people think are the most spiritual men in the church are inconsistent in coming to men’s activities.
Ask yourself this question:
Is it possible they are inconsistent in coming to my event because they are already consistent in trying to live out what we are trying to teach men? That’s something to celebrate rather than be disappointed about.
Ask Yourself the Hard Questions
There are times when men do not consistently show up because we have missed the mark as leaders. It’s worth the time to ask yourself these questions:
- Have I made sure the expectations are fair and clear? Have the men agreed to those expectations?
- Have I been praying for the well-being of these men and against anything that might distract them from what Jesus wants to say to them?
- Are we talking about things that the men want or sense the Holy Spirit wants them to talk about?
- Do I care about them and their life more than I care about them showing up for my activity? How does my care for them show up?
- Am I effectively communicating with these men between meetings or events?
- Has God gifted me and called me to this ministry, or am I doing this for another reason?
Play the Long Game
The world of sports has a famous saying:
“Trust the process.”
This usually shows up when a team is rebuilding and is not very good. If you draft right, develop players properly, and mix in the right free agents and trades, you can change a team’s fortune.
But it usually takes much longer than anyone wants.
“Trust the process.”
This is what discipleship is like. Jesus had people come to listen to Him, only to decide it wasn’t for them (John 6:60-66). He had men who hung out with Him every day, but as soon as His life got hard, they were nowhere to be found (Matthew 26:56).
Trust the process of discipleship. Yes, there will always be inconsistent men. Keep encouraging them and inviting them. There is also almost always a small group of very consistent men. Invest in those men. Teach them, love them, believe in them, and call them to multiply themselves in the lives of other men.
Over time, you can see Jesus shape the lives of men in ways that you cannot even begin to imagine right now. Play the long game. Trust the process.
A Final Word of Encouragement
When men do not consistently show up, the devil is going to tell you all kinds of things. Let me assure you, the one thing he wants to stop is Jesus’ mission. Yes, there are seasons in ministry where you might need to try something different, but whatever you do, don’t give up doing everything you can to help men become, grow, and live as disciples of Jesus.
There is a promise in Scripture that I have had to come back to time and time again. Paul wrote these words in Galatians 6:9:
“Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.”
Let the promise of God’s word ring louder in your ears than the temptation of the devil to walk away from the mission.
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