Walk into many churches on a typical men’s ministry night, and you’ll notice something pretty quickly: there are a lot of men over 40.
That’s not a bad thing. Many of these men have faithfully served their churches, raised families, built businesses, led ministries, and carried the faith for decades. We should honor that.
But we also need to ask an honest question:
Where are the men in their 20s and 30s?
In many churches, there is a significant gap in reaching younger men. We have men’s ministries, but they often aren’t attracting the next generation.
Why?
I think much of it comes down to two things: relationships and programming.
And underneath both of those is discipleship.
Jesus didn’t simply gather crowds; He built relationships. Mark 3:14 says Jesus appointed the twelve “so that they would be with him”
(Notice that phrase: “with Him.”)
Jesus didn’t simply gather crowds; He built relationships.
Discipleship happened through proximity, conversation, shared experiences, correction, encouragement, and friendship. If we want to reach younger men, we need to start there.
Relationships Before Programming
If we aren’t forming relationships, we aren’t going to have much opportunity to minister.
One of the challenges we face as we get older is that relationships with younger men don’t always happen naturally. We’re in different stages of life. What resonates with you may not resonate with a 27-year-old. What is important to you may not be important to him. Your schedules, responsibilities and interests may be completely different.
So if we want to reach younger men, we have to be intentional.
Don’t start with an invitation to your Bible study. Start with friendship.
Sit somewhere different in church on Sunday. Go talk to the younger guy you don’t know. Learn his name. Ask what he does for work. Ask about his family. Find out what he enjoys.
Don’t start with an invitation to your Bible study. Start with friendship.
Find ways to serve him. Maybe you help him fix something. Maybe you cut his grass. Maybe you help with a project. Maybe you invite him for coffee or lunch.
One of the best ways to build a relationship with a younger man is to become his advocate. Talk him up to his parents. Tell his wife or girlfriend something you admire about him. Encourage him in front of other people. Look for potential in him and remind him that you see it.
If a younger man sees you as an advocate rather than a judge, he’s far more likely to open his life to you.
Don’t Underestimate What You Have to Offer
Sometimes older men think, “What could I possibly offer a young guy like that?”
More than you realize!
You have experience. You have stories. You have wisdom. You have made mistakes that someone else doesn’t have to make because you can share what you learned.
But perhaps most importantly, you can be someone who believes in him.
Don’t let insecurity or fear of rejection keep you from reaching out.
Maybe he won’t respond. Maybe he won’t become your best friend. That’s okay. Put yourself out there anyway.
The older generation has something incredibly valuable to give the younger generation, but we can’t give it from a distance.
Go Where Younger Men Are
Building relationships with younger men means putting yourself in places where younger men actually are.
That may require you to learn something new.
Fantasy football is a good example. I’m terrible at it, but I’ve tried to learn about it because I know some younger guys who love it. Maybe it’s a television show they’re watching. Maybe it’s golf, disc golf, pickleball, flag football, hiking, gaming, cars, or something else.
You don’t have to become an expert; you just need to become interested. Sometimes building relationships means putting yourself outside your comfort zone.
Look at the Programming
If you’ve built relationships with younger men and they still aren’t engaging with your men’s ministry, it may be time to look at the programming.
Timing matters. Saturday mornings might seem like the perfect time for a men’s breakfast. But for a 32-year-old father, Saturday morning might be the only time he has to take his kids to hockey, mow the lawn, run errands, and get something done around the house.
Maybe Thursday night works better. Maybe Sunday evening works better. Maybe you could coordinate with another ministry so dads can participate while their kids are already at church.
We also need to rethink the idea that men’s ministry always has to pull men away from their families. What if men’s ministry sometimes helped strengthen families? Father-and-son outings. Father-and-daughter nights. Family service projects. Marriage workshops. Date nights.
Stronger marriages create stronger families. Stronger families create stronger churches. Men’s ministry doesn’t have to compete with the family; it can serve it.
Create Easy On-Ramps
Younger men also need an easy way into your ministry.
Sometimes our programs feel like they’re designed for people who have already committed to attending every week for the next year.
What if we created shorter experiences? A three-week Bible study. A three-hour workshop. A one-night event. A four-week marriage series.
Sometimes our programs feel like they’re designed for people who have already committed to attending every week for the next year.
Personally, I think three weeks can be incredibly effective. Young men are busy. Some work shifts. Some have young children. Some have demanding careers. Their schedules change.
Honor their time. Create opportunities that are easy to engage with and easy to step away from. Sometimes leaving people wanting more is a good thing.
Move From Rows to Relationships
Mentoring is another huge opportunity.
Too often, men’s ministry means getting a room full of men and talking at them. What if we created environments where men actually talked with one another?
I love the idea of triads: three men who meet regularly, pray together, encourage each other, and do life together. They might grab coffee, go for a walk, work on a project, ride bikes, or simply sit down and talk. Imagine having six, eight, or ten triad groups throughout your church.
And here’s where it gets really interesting: some groups could include men who don’t attend church. Now your mentoring structure becomes an evangelism opportunity.
Board game nights can work the same way. It may not look like ministry at first, but ministry has always been about people.
Create space for men to laugh together, compete together, talk together and eventually pray together.
Make Younger Men the Heroes
Philippians 2:4 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (NLT). That should shape our men’s ministries.
We need to honor the men who have carried the ministry while making room for the men who will carry it next. We cannot make every meeting about us.
We need to honor the men who have carried the ministry while making room for the men who will carry it next.
We need to honor people’s time, create space for conversation, and build environments where younger men feel seen, valued, and challenged.
We are not here to be served. We are here to serve.
So What Do We Do?
Here’s a simple place to start.
- Identify ten younger men.
Don’t start with a program; start with people. Make a list of men in their 20s and 30s who are connected to your church, even if they aren’t currently involved in men’s ministry. - Build relationships.
For the next three months, intentionally spend time with them. Have coffee. Play golf. Help with a project. Go to a game. Learn what they care about. - Ask questions.
Don’t guess what younger men want. Ask them. What would make men’s ministry valuable to you? What would you actually attend? What gets in the way? - Experiment.
Don’t build a year-long calendar. Try three or four different experiences: a triplet group, a board game night, a father-and-son event, a short Bible study or a men’s worship night. - Evaluate.
After each event, ask: Did men connect? Did they engage? Did they invite someone? Did they leave wanting more? - Multiply.
The goal isn’t simply to get younger men attending your men’s ministry. The goal is to develop younger men who will eventually reach and disciple other men. That’s the bigger picture.
We don’t need to abandon everything we’ve done in men’s ministry. We simply need to ask whether what we’re doing is helping us reach the men who aren’t here yet.
Find them. Talk to them. Serve them. Listen to them. Learn what they love. Create space for them. And then invite them into something bigger than a program.
Invite them into brotherhood, discipleship and a life of following Jesus.
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