First, a confession:
Men’s ministries have not always done well ministering to “singleness.”
No doubt they teach and practice much concerning masculinity that has nothing to do with one’s relationship status, and which applies equally to both the married and single man.
But there is often a side emphasis on marriage and fatherhood—which, while needed, can leave our single guys feeling left out.
Of course, we shouldn’t stop talking about marriage or fatherhood, but we need to improve at engaging specifically in men’s singleness as well, and here at Impactus, we want to do just that.
Second, a proclamation:
Single men, whether temporarily single or called to lifelong singleness, do get to live in the blessings of intimacy, family, and fatherhood—just in a different way.
The best evidence is Jesus Himself.
A lifelong and childless bachelor, Jesus was the perfect Man, demonstrating that marriage and fatherhood are wonderful but not necessary for a man to live faithfully before God.
If marriage and fatherhood were necessary for masculinity, Jesus would have done both.
He didn’t, so they’re not.
If marriage and fatherhood were necessary for masculinity, Jesus would have done both. He didn’t, so they’re not.
But Jesus lived fully and richly nonetheless, setting an example for how single men can embrace what God has given them, even if just for a season. While we recognize the challenges and sacrifices of singleness, it doesn’t mean a man cannot enjoy a rich life full of God’s blessings in numerous ways, including the following three.
1. The Calling of Sonship
Jesus didn’t find any identity or purpose as a husband or dad. However, a key piece of Jesus’ identity gets established at His baptism, when the heavens open and the Father proclaims:
“This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).
Far beyond any earthly role, Jesus’ identity was established first and foremost as a son to His heavenly Father.
A man is not a man because he is a husband or dad; a man is a man because God created him purposefully as a man in His image (Genesis 1:26-27). A Christian man is not just a man in God’s image but also a son of God, welcomed back into His household through Jesus (e.g., 2 Corinthians 5:18-19; Ephesians 1:5; etc.).
“This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).
Every man finds his truest and most important purpose as an image-bearer and son of God.
The single man participates in the blessings and calling of sonship, demonstrating that Christ is ultimately all a man truly needs and that being known and loved by God as a son is the most important thing.
2. The Calling of Brotherhood
Jesus radically redefined what “family” means in the Kingdom of God, moving away from a flesh-and-blood or marital definition and instead establishing that “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:50).
The early Church regarded itself as a true family, and all people were welcome to join.
For the single man, every other believer is a brother and a sister; every older man and woman can be a father or mother, and every younger man or woman can be a son or daughter. We miss the mark when we present marriage as the only way to fulfill a man’s aloneness (Genesis 2:18).
But beyond the physical and emotional intimacy that a man might celebrate with a wife, there are all sorts of varying levels of connection, community, and non-sexual emotional communion that can occur in a wide variety of forms with other men and women in the Body of Christ. Jesus obviously found great community with His disciples, His extended friends like Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, and the broader crowds.
To be single should not mean to be alone. Single men must be invited and welcomed in to engage with other believers in brotherhood, as part of the family, ensuring that no man in our midst ever feels isolated or without.
3. The Calling of Spiritual Fatherhood
Jesus never married or had kids, but nonetheless, has more children than any man ever could.
He proclaimed a Kingdom that would grow through “spiritual” birth, people coming alive by the Spirit’s power as they come to Christ (John 3:1-21).
Our primary evangelism technique isn’t through breeding more Christian children; it is the Holy Spirit moving through every believer to share the Gospel everywhere as people are born again. The Lord is spiritually building a Kingdom where any single man could have far more impact than a father with a few children, as wonderful as that is.
Although Jesus was single and childless in the literal sense, He is indeed the father of many through His death and resurrection, as billions have come to God through Him.
At this point, the single apostle Paul could obviously count his “offspring” into the millions, if not billions, from those he led to Christ and mentored to all of the “offspring” that his spiritual offspring would lead to Christ and mentor throughout the generations.
The bachelor apostle fathered more people through his ministry than if he had married and had a house full of children. Singleness did not disqualify him from a profound fatherhood of a different kind.
Single men can become spiritual fathers of new believers and younger men and can have as many “children” as they want and have time for. They can participate in leading others to Christ and then fathering them in the faith.
Lord willing, evangelism can and should create far more spiritual children than literal procreation could for any man; someone will need to spiritually father these spiritual kids, and single men can find great fulfillment in investing in these lives.
Of course, singleness is not without its challenges, but neither are marriage or fatherhood. The blessings differ, but God’s goodness is no less for either. God invites single men into a rich life of sonship, brotherhood, and spiritual fatherhood, and single men will find God’s blessings in these three profound callings.
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