During a 1-hour Facebook Live Q&A event, All About Being a Man, hosted by Impactus | Promise Keepers Canada, Kirk Giles answered some tough questions men are asking.
Here is one of the questions, along with Kirk’s answer:
“How do I balance my wife’s request versus what I think would be best? For example, purchases – big and small – and behaviours and attitudes towards friends and family. Fortunately, we were pretty much on the same page with raising the kids. The answer probably is that I talk with her about it, but this can be very difficult. The other answer is to talk with God about it, and I know I have to do more of that.”
It is essential to recognize that you have to do more talking to God and talking to your wife. And this can be difficult because – let’s be honest – if we know we’re going to raise an issue in our marriage that will create conflict in the conversation, it’s way easier not to bring up the conflict.
The problem is, the fact that you’re asking the question means it’s already bringing conflict inside your heart. And if it’s bringing conflict inside your heart, then you are at risk of getting onto a path of bitterness towards your spouse. That’s going to create some challenges.
Always remember this truth: Both you and your wife are made in the image of God. Just because you see things differently from each other doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s wrong and you’re right.
The same goes in the opposite direction: Just because you see things differently than she does, doesn’t automatically make you wrong either. It may be that both of you are coming at a situation based on your personalities and how God has wired you to reflect his image in different situations. So, don’t necessarily start on the premise of: I’m right, she’s wrong. There’s every chance that both of you are actually right; you’re just coming at it from a different angle.
The other thing is: yes, you do need to talk to her about things. In particular, you need to talk from this perspective: Do we both agree that we want our marriage to honor God? Do we both agree that we want the decisions in our marriage to honor God?
Have an agreement between each other that when there is a concern or conflict on an issue, filter it through the lens of, “Which decision will bring the most honor to God?” If you filter it through that lens, as opposed to – “I think you should do this,” and, “I don’t think we should do that,” that’s a lot of I’s and me and my opinion. The better question is, “What’s God’s opinion on the right decision for us in our marriage?”
You can watch the full Q&A session here. This question and Kirk’s answer can be viewed at 40:25.