Most people desire marriage when they’re young. Christian singles pray for just the right spouse.
A best friend.
A lover.
Man, life will be bliss, eh?
There’s a promise in 1 Corinthians 7:28, though, that for whatever reason we seem to glance over:
“…those who marry will have worldly troubles.” ESV
The words preceding this verse explain that our troubles will not even come because we’ve sinned, which tell us two things if we want to prosper in marriage:
- We have to learn how to handle conflict in marriage.
- Sin will bring trouble into our marriage, on top of troubles that will already naturally occur.
Porn consumption factors into both of these conclusions.
At a workshop I was doing recently, someone asked why porn use increases the odds of adultery by 300% (Source: National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families). There’s brain science to it , for sure. But the main reason is that porn is a destructive escape from conflict or insecurity that leaves real issues unaddressed while introducing even more trouble into the marriage.
The porn user doesn’t face the naturally occurring conflict in a healthy way. Instead, they escape into a world filled with incest, adultery, and misogyny.
What Breaking Free Looks Like
The foundational understanding that we must have in getting free from porn is that getting free from porn is not the goal. Hear me out on this one.
1 Peter 4:1 says, “Since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude (as Christ) because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.” (NIV)
Instead of focusing on getting sin out of our lives, let’s focus on making Christ’s way of thinking the default setting in our minds. Trials are a great training ground for this. Spending time with God and studying how Jesus responded – or didn’t respond – to trials will help make his attitude become our own. By doing this, we’ll see porn use fall by the wayside, as Peter says in the verse above.
Porn use reveals a lot of things – often without us even noticing. We get so caught up in the shame of our behavior that we forget to take a look beneath the surface.
I have a personal assessment that I go through in my first coaching session with people covering a wide variety of topics like trauma, family dynamics, satisfaction at work, response to life situations, fantasies, spiritual disciplines, and more. Mismanagement in any of these areas will reveal perspectives that need to be shifted to align more with how Jesus thinks. If our thinking is not aligned with Jesus, the door to a sinful escape opens wide.
We have to seek the Lord and ask him to show us things we may not be aware of.
King David prayed, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23 NIV)
To get porn out of someone’s life after even decades of compulsive use doesn’t have to take years. It just has to take a different, more Christ-centered approach.
To get porn out of someone’s life after even decades of compulsive use doesn’t have to take years. It just has to take a different, more Christ-centered approach.
In our ministry, many men in their 40s’, 50’s, and 60’s have seen porn go by the wayside very quickly after even 20-50 years of porn use.
Why?
They begin a transformation journey of renewing their minds to align with the mind of Christ. They stop trying to quit a behaviour with the same way of thinking that got them there.
Remember, though, porn freedom is not the goal. Thinking like Jesus is. Once a man has gotten porn-free for a few months, it is absolutely essential that he stays on a discipleship journey of continuing to grow in the Lord for an extended period of time – or really, the rest of his life.
Healthy marriages are one of the most powerful forces in the kingdom of God, so don’t let a porn addiction get in the way. Your path to freedom can launch you and your marriage to exciting levels of intimacy and impact that you’ve not yet experienced.
I pray that this helps you start your journey to freedom today!
If you or someone you know are struggling with sexual issues, we encourage you to reach out to Restored Ministries. Restored Ministries is for both men and women who wrestle with sexual addiction, betrayal, abuse and more.
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