As a pastor, I’ve presided at a lot of wedding ceremonies.
Few couples expect that an affair might one day threaten their marriage. Sadly, approximately 1 out of 5 men and 1 out of 8 women report cheating while married.[1] The emotional damage is severe, and full reconciliation, if it even happens, can take years.
It makes sense for a man to take as many steps as possible to affair-proof his marriage.
The Book of Proverbs offers some wise actions you can take.
Cultivate Your Own Marriage
The first step is to proactively cultivate and enjoy your own marriage. Proverbs 5:15 and v. 18-19 (CSB) say, “Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well…Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. A loving deer, a graceful doe—let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.”
Scripture doesn’t just allow for healthy sex in marriage; it commands it! Ray Ortlund writes, “The wisdom of God is saying, ‘When you get married, drop your inhibitions, and go for it…. Make [sex] fun and frequent!’…The point is for a man to be crazy in love with his wife.”[2]
Scripture doesn’t just allow for healthy sex in marriage; it commands it!
God could have made procreation boring. Instead, he made it to be a source of pleasure and intimacy within marriage. Don’t lose the wonder of the gift of married sex. Treasure your wife and cultivate enjoyment of sexual intimacy in your marriage.
Cultivate Your Walk with God
Proverbs offers a surprising way to fight adultery: delight in God and His commandments. “For a command is a lamp, teaching is a light, and corrective discipline is the way to life. They will protect you from an evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a wayward woman….” (Proverbs 6:23-24 CSB).
One of the best things that any man can do to prevent adultery is to stay close to God. An affair is usually downstream from other things in our lives that have fallen into disrepair. It’s often a symptom of a deeper issue. The best way to prevent an affair is to maintain a healthy heart by cultivating our relationship with God so that we’re walking closely with him.
Guard Your Thoughts
Affairs always begin in a man’s mind and heart first. Proverbs 6:25 warns, “Don’t lust in your heart for her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyelashes.” The first place to fight temptation is in our minds. Don’t begin to desire someone in your mind; don’t dwell on the temptation. Fight temptation while it’s in its earliest stages, before the thoughts become lodged in your mind and have a chance to develop into actions.
Consider the Consequences
Affairs seem exciting, but the price is always greater than we can afford. “The one who commits adultery lacks sense; whoever does so destroys himself” (Proverbs 6:32 CSB). The consequences of sin are always greater and more devastating than we could imagine. It can rob you of everything that matters to you and hurt those you love most. Don’t just consider the excitement; factor in the cost. It’s just not worth it.
Recognize the Pattern
Affairs tend to follow predictable patterns. Proverbs 7:6-23 describes such a pattern:
- Temptation presents itself.
- An opportunity comes to pursue an illicit relationship.
- It looks like there won’t be any negative consequences.
- The affair happens, and then the damage is done, but it’s too late.
I’ve seen this same pattern repeat itself endlessly. Familiarize yourself with this pattern so you can recognize it when it happens to you. The time to act is in the earliest stages. Run for your life from temptation. Take drastic action.
Familiarize yourself with this pattern so you can recognize it when it happens to you.
Don’t fool yourself: you won’t be any different than the others who’ve fallen into this pattern. Recognize it so you can avoid it.
It Could Happen to You
I used to think that only bad husbands had affairs.
But Proverbs screams to us: it could happen to you!
You’re never more in danger than when you think you’re not in danger of falling into sin.
Avoiding affairs isn’t a one-time choice. It’s a commitment to a lifetime of keeping our marriage vows, cultivating our relationship with our wives and with God, guarding our thoughts, considering the consequences of sin, and staying alert to the patterns that will lead us into sin.
But God is faithful. He will help us if we ask Him. He will help us pursue healthy marriages and give us the grace we need to fight sin, as well as the grace we need when we do sin.
While you should do everything possible to avoid having an affair, there’s even grace for those who fail, although God’s grace doesn’t remove all the pain or consequences.
For God’s sake and yours, act now to affair-proof your marriage.
[1] https://www.southdenvertherapy.com/blog/infidelity-statistics-2026
[2] Ortlund, Ray. Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel (p. 62). (Function). Kindle Edition.
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