In my experience as a husband and dad, many situations have arisen that don’t always neatly or clearly fall into the “What does the Bible say?” category.
Our inspired Bible is excellent at teaching morality, wisdom, and, of course, God’s character and nature. But it is also thousands of years old and completely removed from issues of modern times, such as social media, cell phones, our political climate, and other cultural issues.
Biblical principles guide us in these moments, of course, but as a father, what do I do when I want to lead my household well but am biblically uncertain about the right way to do so?
The ultimate cliché Sunday-school answer, of course, is, “Lead like Jesus.”
But just because an answer is cliché doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
As men who follow Jesus, we should want to follow Him in all areas of our lives, including how we lead our families.
As men who follow Jesus, we should want to follow Him in all areas of our lives, including how we lead our families.
So what exactly does that mean?
Love Like Jesus
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16)
All good husbands and dads love their wives and kids, but the Christ-like dad goes even further than that.
Scripture gives a biblical picture of love that is very simple:
Love looks like a Cross.
The Cross clearly demonstrated how much God loves us and how important we are to Him. Only a great love could cause a great God to sacrifice so much for us.
Scripture gives a biblical picture of love that is very simple: Love looks like a Cross.
Love is not just a feeling; it always shows up as an action. In Christ-like love, that action is always sacrificial, putting the one(s) you love ahead of yourself and giving up everything for their sake.
Show affection and care. Encourage. Support. Draw close to your loved ones so they know your loving presence.
Men who love like Jesus feel the feeling, but put it into action: self-sacrificing, other-centered action that lays aside self and elevates the ones we love (John 3:16; Philippians 2:1-4).
Serve Like Jesus
“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25-28)
We believe men should take the lead in their homes (Ephesians 5:23), but how that looks will depend on how we define “lead.”
For some men, leading means dominating, bullying, or otherwise forcing others to do what you want.
But Christ-like men understand that leadership in the Kingdom means taking the lead, but in a very different posture than how the world leads.
In the verses above, Jesus makes crystal-clear what positions of authority in the Kingdom look like: not like the world. The world lifts up its leaders high, but men of the Kingdom lower themselves in humility.
Christ-like men understand that leadership in the Kingdom means taking the lead, but in a very different posture than how the world leads.
So we work hard, do hard things for our family, take on whatever we need to for their sake, and always remember that we do what we do for the Lord and for them.
Even Jesus the King came to serve others, and men who follow Him do the same in their homes.
Teach Like Jesus
“Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.” (2 John 1:9)
Jesus taught His followers about God in Heaven, the ways of God’s Kingdom on earth, and how to live out life faithfully as His followers.
Men who lead like Jesus take His teaching seriously. They follow His words, but more than that, they take seriously the biblical call to teach His words to their family (Ephesians 6:4).
This should involve the Church’s help, of course—bringing your family into engagement with a caring Christian community. But men are not off the hook—it also includes opening the Bible at home for teaching and discussion, as well as finding “teaching moments” throughout the day where a man can bring God’s Word into common situations that unfold in real time.
Christ-following men bring the Word of Christ into everyday life, leading their families well as they do.
Live Like Jesus
“Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did.” (1 John 2:6)
Our families are always watching us. If our lived-out lives don’t align with our beliefs or words, our families can learn much more about us from our actions than from anything we say.
It is incumbent on men to live out what they believe and teach. We know that no man does this perfectly, but every man should strive for that perfection (Matthew 5:48). When we inevitably fall short, we should live out what repentance and apologies look like, so that our families can see how God’s grace meets us in our failures.
When a man loves, serves, teaches, and lives like Jesus, he truly leads his household like Christ and pleases God as he does.
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