Bible Passage: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15 NIV)
Scripture Reading: Romans 12:1-21
In 2003, I traveled to Ghana.
I’ll never forget the culture shock and the “mature” snickering I did as I saw two men walking down the street holding hands. In this culture, this is a perfectly acceptable and non-romantic way for male friends to act.
I was a 15-year-old Canadian boy…it was just weird to me. Men in Ghana didn’t just hold hands; they would dance, rejoice, and mourn together in a way I’d never encountered.
Over time, I discovered I was the weird one, and that their behaviour was biblical.
One of the key questions I’m asking this week is whether or not you are the friend that the friend you are looking for is looking for.
Most of us have room to become better friends. Part of this is learning new skills; part is breaking through cultural weaknesses; and part is simply doing what the Bible says.
Let’s get practical:
- Do you comfortably express emotion (rejoice and mourn) and enter into those occasions with other men? Good friends know how to rejoice with us and mourn with us (Romans 12:15).
- Do you know how to appreciate and honor the gifts of other men (Romans 12:1-8), or are you stuck comparing yourself to them? Do you find yourself insecure when someone else is more competent than you, and/or proud when you’re better than they are? These things will be barriers to good friendships and can be addressed.
- Do you use your gifts to build up both the Church and other guy friends?
- Would the way you treat other friends qualify as “being devoted to” them? (Romans 12:10)
- Do you practice hospitality and share with other men who are in need? (Romans 12:13)
- Do you hang out with guys who are lower on the status hierarchy than you are and genuinely honor them? (Romans 12:16)
I began this devotional with my experience in Africa because I’ve discovered that other cultures are often stronger relationally than my own.
What was “weird” to me as a 15-year-old was also part of the path towards better male friendships. It’s a lot like what David and Jonathan did (1 Samuel 18-19).
While I may not express myself exactly like the Ghanaians, I have learned to show genuine affection to my guy friends, and I’m learning many of these other skills mentioned in Romans 12.
Life with deeper friendships is exactly as good as I hoped. Praise God for giving us such clear and practical instruction for how to become the kind of friend that the friend we are looking for is looking for.
Prayer: Lord, far too often I treat friendship like a gift or trait that I have no power over. Help me to see how I can grow as a friend and show me how I can put this teaching into practice with the other men around me. Amen.
Reflection: A clear vision of what a good friend does (and who they are) is key to growth in friendships. Romans 12 paints a shockingly relevant picture of the character and skills of a good friend. Which of the traits mentioned in Romans 12 do you do best? Which do you need to grow in? Ask God to guide you and take the next step!
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