If I told you that one quarter of the men in your church were at risk for something that could wreck their lives, would it matter in your plan for how you minister to men?
According to the Men’s Health Foundation, 23% of men in Canada are at risk of moderate to severe depression—up 4% in one year. The mental health challenges of men in your church and community are real. The fallout of mental health challenges is real. It shapes the way we function day-to-day, our relationships, work, and potentially even our willingness to live. Nearly ten men die by suicide each day in Canada, and men are three times more likely to commit suicide compared to women.
If I told you that one quarter of the men in your church were at risk for something that could wreck their lives, would it matter in your plan for how you minister to men?
If you are a leader in ministry to men, or just a man who cares, this creates a daunting challenge. How do you even begin to help men struggling with their mental health, especially when you are not trained as a counselor?
Create the Environment
When men interact with you personally or in your ministry activities, what is the hidden message of how a man should behave? For all of the efforts to raise awareness on mental health over the years, there is still a hidden code for men that says we have an image to uphold and secrets should be kept as secrets.
In your teaching, small group questions, and personal interactions, it’s critical to create an environment where men can discover a culture where it’s not only okay but expected to be honest.
Model Transparency
The Bible is filled with Christian leaders who expressed their own struggles. David expresses his struggles over and over in the Psalms (e.g., Psalm 42:1-11); Paul talks about facing things beyond his ability to endure (2 Corinthians 1:8); and Jesus experienced intense emotional grief in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:39-44).
If you want men to be honest about their mental health, you have to model being transparent with men about your own challenges and struggles. You may not have mental health challenges, but you do have pain points and temptations. Learn to make honesty normal.
Listen to Men’s Stories
A man may not lead with, “I have mental health problems,” but that does not mean you should assume he is fine. I have found that there are signs in men’s stories that often point to the realities of mental health struggles. When you see men who are consistently frustrated or angry, it points to a bigger story. When men lose motivation for work or become jaded about the people around them, it can indicate that they have been thinking about the same things over and over. Probably the biggest one is a man who consistently isolates himself from others.
In your conversations, don’t just listen to the story, but listen to what the story is telling you about the man.
Love Him. Encourage Him. Point Him to Jesus.
The biggest mistake you can make is to tell a man something like “I’m sorry you’re going through that” or “I’m praying for you” and then move on with the busyness of your own life. Be your brother’s keeper. He needs a friend who will have his back.
Consistent communication is important. Do a weekly check-in by phone, text, or coffee. It’s important for your connection to ask about his mental health, but it’s also important for you to treat him as you would anyone else. Talk about more than mental health.
Whenever you can, point him to Scripture. You are a brother fighting with him in the spiritual battle he is facing. You have the opportunity to keep the truth of who he is in Christ in front of him. Many Bible verses can encourage people with God’s love, help us think about what we think, and urge us to endure and not lose hope.
I have also come to believe that one of the most important spiritual practices for those struggling with mental health is lament. Help your friend learn to lament, and even take time to lament with him. This brings our frustrations to God, but also re-orients our thoughts towards God’s love in the brokenness of life.
Don’t Give Up
Like almost everything else in life, mental health is not a straight line of growth and improvement. There are days you will get frustrated and wonder why your friend doesn’t get it. Don’t give up on him. Your role is to be a friend and a brother in Christ. Jesus is his healer and Savior.
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