I look over at the clock on my nightstand, and it’s 5 in the morning.
I had just woken up in a pool of sweat. Immediately, I began to think about a situation in my life that had been tormenting me with anxiety for a while.
Right away, I recognize that my body is in “fight-or-flight” mode. I’m exhausted physically and mentally, but rest seems to elude me. I’m overwhelmed with fear. My heart is in pain.
I’m a psychotherapist. I work in ministry. I’m supposed to help and teach people to regulate their emotions, steward their inner lives, and find health in their souls.
How can I possibly be struggling like this?
Like many men, amid my internal battle, I’m hesitant to talk to anyone about it. Two common reasons we, as men, avoid opening up and talking when we’re struggling are: 1) embarrassment, and 2) not wanting to burden others.
Listen, I get it. Yet, we need to talk about it.
Two common reasons we, as men, avoid opening up and talking when we’re struggling are: 1) embarrassment, and 2) not wanting to burden others.
So, let’s talk about the reality of anxiety in the lives of men today.
More importantly, let’s talk about what we can do to fight it.
Suffering, Endurance, Character, and Hope
Anxiety disorders are one of the most prevalent and burdensome mental health conditions that men suffer from. I hesitate to use the term suffering, but its link to suicide in the field of men’s mental health highlights the depth of internal pain that it causes in our generation.
Plus, if you’ve been through overwhelming anxiety…you know.
Now I want to be clear that not all experiences of anxiety indicate the presence of an anxiety disorder. Yet, whether there is a diagnosis involved, the truth is that most men have, or will, experience overwhelming anxiety at some point in our lives.
As a disciple of Jesus, I find myself turning to Paul’s description of what suffering produces in Romans 5:3-5 (ESV) for help in my battle:
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
There’s something about recognizing that God is producing something amidst our internal pain that empowers us to endure it, rather than falling into the temptation of finding unhealthy ways to avoid or numb what we feel.
As we endure the pain that comes from anxiety, the above passage also promises that it produces proven, tested, genuine character (the Greek word here is dokimē).
There’s something about recognizing that God is producing something amidst our internal pain that empowers us to endure it, rather than falling into the temptation of finding unhealthy ways to avoid or numb what we feel.
Endurance—rather than avoidance—proves that we are men who belong to Him.
Fascinatingly, the passage also tells us that the character produced in us through these situations leads to hope.
Not just any hope, but legitimate hope that does not let us down.
So what does hope have to do with all of this?
Hope Destroys the Pain of Anxiety
In the psychological literature, hope has emerged as one of the most powerful mechanisms for reducing anxiety. Psychosocial research has revealed that greater levels of hope lead to lower levels of anxiety and anxiety disorders, and that hope can actually be a mechanism of change in treating anxiety disorders.
Psychologically, hope is defined as a “goal-oriented positive expectancy.”
Biblically, hope can be defined as “looking forward to in confident expectation.”
In both contexts, hope can be understood as a confident, positive expectation for the future.
My favourite definition of it is the “joyful anticipation of good.”
On the other hand, anxiety is the anticipation and expectation of future threats and dangers.
Notice that both hope and anxiety are future-oriented traits—in opposite directions. In other words, you can’t actually be truly hopeful and anxious at the same time.
Think about that for a second.
Perhaps this is why the Apostle Paul tells us to “not be anxious about anything” in Philippians 4:6, while telling us to “rejoice in hope of the glory of God” in Romans 5:2.
If you’re rejoicing in hope, you can’t be anxious about anything. Hope destroys the pain of anxiety.
Now, this leaves us with one final question: how can we cultivate this hope?
The Proof That Our Hope Is Legitimate
As a psychotherapist, I often find myself caught in the difficult position of recognizing the importance of hope for my clients but understanding that legitimate hope can only come from a relationship with Jesus.
In Romans 5:5, the Apostle Paul differentiates between hope that puts us to shame and hope that does not. There is legitimate hope that guarantees fulfillment and illegitimate hope that is an empty fantasy.
As men who belong to Jesus, we have access to the former. Our God is good, faithful, and promises to work all things for our good, that we would be conformed to His image (Romans 8:28-29).
The proof that our hope is legitimate can be found in the love of God that has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5). In other words, the love of God that we have access to in our hearts because the Holy Spirit lives inside of us is the evidence that our hope is valid and reasonable.
In our fight against anxiety, we can find the legitimate hope that disarms and destroys anxiety by accessing the love of God in our hearts, revealed by the Holy Spirit. This love is the proof that our hope is not in vain.
If our God really did give His life on the Cross to redeem us because of this great love, then we really do have reason to rejoice in hope, no matter what we go through.
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