Most fathers want to be a good dad.
You want to build a strong relationship with each of your children. You want your kids to grow up loving Jesus, leading well, living with integrity, and pursuing the passions and gifts the Lord has given them.
Most fathers know that discipleship begins at home, with a man leading his family well towards Jesus.
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV)
Many fathers have good intentions when it comes to how they want to raise their kids. Intentions are good, but if you want to be a great dad, you have to be more than just a father with good intentions—you have to be an intentional father.
Intentions are good, but if you want to be a great dad, you have to be more than just a father with good intentions—you have to be an intentional father.
Here are five ways you can be intentional with your children as you disciple them in the ways of Jesus.
1. Encourage Your Children
Use your words carefully and on purpose to build up your child (Ephesians 6:4). The world can be a mean place, cold and heartless. If no one else is, be their encouragement, their cheerleader, their #1 fan. Let them hear your voice speaking life into them (Proverbs 18:21). Give them positive feedback. Think of and plan ways to speak life into your child.
When they grow up, your voice will be in their head. What do you want that voice to sound like?
2. Plan Times Together
A camping trip, a concert, a play, a ballet, going out to eat, or going fishing—it doesn’t really matter. Whatever it is, it’s an event that is planned and prepared for. Your child will feel valued because you care enough to make the plans.
This allows you, the intentional father, to share your passions with your kids or validate theirs. Either way, the time shows your child they are worth spending time with and that you care.
3. Take Them With You
Not the opposite of the previous point, but not everything needs to be planned out. Discipleship happens when we live life together. So, when you need to go to the store, take a kid with you.
This will give you time together that isn’t structured. The time in the car, sitting side by side, is low-key, no pressure. Put on some good music and just let the conversation go wherever it goes (Ephesians 5:15-16). The key here is to be together. You don’t need to have an agenda every time you’re with your child.
4. Show Up
You might not make it to every game, recital, or event, but be at most of them! You don’t have to feel bad about going to work or having to take that business trip. But your kids will know you are a priority to them when you show up.
And when you are there, put the phone away and, as mentioned above, be their encouragement and #1 fan.
5. Explore Your Past
We pass on much of who we are just by living life with our kids. That is why we need to examine our past. Take some time to think through the things that have happened to you, your relationship with your own father, and the patterns of your own behavior.
This may be good or bad or both. Maybe you had a great relationship with your dad. What made it great? What did he do that had the most impact on you?
Perhaps you struggle with a sin or a behavior that, if left unchecked, could easily be passed on to our kids or negatively impact your relationship with them. Do the work necessary to bring this back into alignment with Christ’s work on the Cross.
No one is perfect, but we are all in the process of sanctification that should be leading us to look more like Christ day by day (2 Corinthians 3:18).
This is not an exhaustive list. What would you add to it? What are you doing right now as an intentional father?
It’s all about doing things on purpose, for a purpose.
Being an intentional father doesn’t require you to have lots of money to do lots of things; it simply requires you to give your time and attention.
No father is perfect and perfection is not the goal here. But the intentional father understands that they are one of the most significant influences in their child’s life, and he takes that responsibility seriously.
If this seems overwhelming, just start small. Pick one thing this week that you can do one-on-one with each of your children.
And to the grandfathers out there reading this, these ideas apply to you as well. Be an intentional grandfather! The generations after you need you to stay engaged, and you, with your own children, get to help make that happen.
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