Tell the truth, have you ever heard a man say any of the following:
I can’t wait to ruin my life.
I plan to be the worst husband I can possibly be.
I want my children to hate me they grow up.
I’m looking forward to being addicted to ________.
Neither have I. Most men we know want to win at what matters most in life: Lord, Love, Labor, Leadership, and Legacy. And most are searching for the elusive “formula for success.”
However, instead of adding one more log to the success formula fire, I want to share with you the “anti-success formula” I learned from interviewing more than 475 men of influence on my top-rated podcast on Apple iTunes for Christian men called Real Men Connect. It’s actually the 4 reasons why most men (Christian or non-Christian) fail and why they fail repeatedly.
1. No team
A man is only as strong as the team of stronger men he has supporting him. You’ve heard the saying, “If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.” Well, flying solo is the quickest way to fail as a man.
Life is a team game, even if you play a solo sport. There is no such thing as a successful, self-made man. Even the Lone Ranger had Tanto. In fact, it was once said, “Show me a self-made man, I’ll show you a man with a fool for a creator.”
What group of men do you depend on consistently to help you be the best husband, father, and spiritual leader you know you can be? Because no team = no accountability.
2. No huddle
It’s one thing for a man to have a team, but he’s playing Russian Roulette with his life if he doesn’t have a closer group of men in his huddle that he can trust. And what’s a huddle?
A huddle is an inner-circle group of about 3 men who will love you the most when you deserve it the least. These are close, intimate friends in which you can share your most shameful secrets, painful struggles, and deepest scars, and they won’t ever judge, reject, or abandon you.
They say a man is only as sick as his secrets. But to me, a man is only as healthy as his huddle. A man with no huddle is prone to being consumed by shame, guilt, and anger unless he has an inner circle of men who he can trust with those emotions. Because no huddle = no honesty.
3. No coach
Have you ever seen any professional athlete win a world championship without a coach? Of course not. If a man is only as strong as his team and as healthy as his huddle, then a man is only as confident as his coach.
We are obsessed with sports because intrinsically, we want to be champions at what we do, whether it be on the ballfield or in the workplace. We simply want to win! We want to be a champion husband, champion father, champion leader, or champion something. Because nothing feels as satisfying to a man as achieving at a high level.
So, wouldn’t it only make sense that the quickest way to failing as a man is to attempt to do life without a coach? Someone to mentor you, guide you, advise you, and help you get the most out of your potential. Why would any man aspire to be the best without seeking the best training or coaching? Because no coach = no mastery.
4. No counselor
This one is the least talked about reason why men fail repeatedly. Because counseling is the one thing EVERY man needs, but NO MAN actually wants unless he’s court-ordered or his wife threatens divorce.
The truth is, we all have blind spots that keep up emotionally and spiritually stuck. A team, a huddle, and a coach are good, but sometimes they’re too close to you to be objective in pointing out those blind spots. That’s when it’s necessary to have a skillfully trained, Christian professional to help you get perspective.
If you talk to any top professional athlete, from Michael Jordan to Michael Phelps, they’ll tell you that winning is at least 80% mental. And you can’t get to where you want to go until you understand how you got to where you are. The “Why” in your life matters.
Because if you don’t understand your past, you’re most likely to repeat it. Because no counselor = no understanding.