Along with death and taxes, there’s something else we are certain to experience in life:
Disappointment in others.
When people fail to meet our expectations or do what we were expecting, we feel sadness, annoyance, and sometimes even anger. People can let us down; if it happens enough, we lose trust in them.
But when we learn to trust our faithful God (Hebrews 10:23) above all others, He helps us keep our expectations of others in check.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding,” Proverbs 3:5
No one can take the place of God. If you try to expect from people what only God can give you, you’ll be constantly disappointed in life. Putting your trust in God helps you live at peace with others even when they disappoint you (Romans 12:16-19).
Two wrong ways we try to avoid disappointment:
- We try to control and manipulate others to do what we want. We become people-controllers, where we attempt to take the place of God in their lives.
- We allow ourselves to be controlled by other people. We become people-pleasers, where others take the place of God in our lives.
Neither extreme glorifies God nor is good for your spiritual or mental health. One extreme replaces God, while the other extreme allows others to be your god.
Both will wear you out while they lead you into sin.
As we read Scripture, we discover real people with issues we can relate to. The Scriptures don’t hide the fact that we can get annoyed with one another. In fact, right in the middle of Jesus’ ministry, we see a great example of disappointment from unmet expectations. Then, we get to see how Jesus addressed it:
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38–42
Mary and Martha were family— sisters. They shared a household and were likely close. No two people will always agree, but some of our greatest disappointments happen among family, or those we are close to on a regular basis.
When Jesus came to visit, Martha welcomed Him into their house. She then began the hard work of hosting while her sister chose to sit and listen to Jesus’ teaching. Eventually, Martha got upset about prepping and serving alone while Mary hung out with Jesus. Mary was not meeting Martha’s expectations, so she asked Jesus to intervene.
Jesus told Martha what her problem really was.
Don’t you love it when Jesus does that with us? Jesus told Martha she was worried and upset about many things, but only one thing was important. Jesus knows there’s always something causing our anxiety, and He always knows what we need most. Pastor Steve Carter calls this “the thing beneath the thing.” Jesus told Martha her real problem was not Mary, but her own misplaced priorities. Martha was too distracted by all the stuff she felt had to be done.
Martha was missing what mattered most in that moment—time with Jesus.
In that one visit, what Jesus offered was much more important than all the kitchen tasks combined. Jesus said Mary chose to do what was “better” and had a long-lasting reward because of it.
We learn something important here: time with Jesus is never wasted time.
Martha was distracted with the duties of life instead of sitting with the Giver of Life. We can all be guilty of this at times, just like Martha. If we spend less time with Jesus, and more time pressuring people with our expectations, disappointments are sure to follow.
It’s better to locate Jesus in your life. Find Him and put Him first. Let nothing distract you from His teaching. Jesus was in the very same house, yet the two people who lived there treated the visit very differently. Mary chose to expect something from Jesus, while Martha chose to expect something from only Mary.
What a big difference in those two decisions. One gives you strength and life; the other can rob you of them.
Expectations matter. Who you place your expectations on matters even more. Decide to trust God first, above and beyond anyone else. He will never disappoint you.
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