Bible Passage: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:4-5 NIV)
Scripture Reading: 1 Corinthians 7:1-7; Ephesians 5:22-24
I was a pastor for over two decades, walking many couples through marital struggles.
One of the things I saw was how many married Christian couples have unsatisfying sex lives. It’s uncomfortable to discuss, but I promise you, it is very true.
There are many reasons for this: discomfort discussing sex, lack of communication, body shame issues, and other factors like differing sex drives and preferences that most married couples must work through.
However, a darker reason emerged more often than I liked, rooted in purity culture:
Many wives felt forced into sex by their husbands.
Or to be crystal clear, many Christian wives felt forced into sex by their Christian husbands.
In purity culture, many women were taught that one of their roles in marriage was to be sexually available to their husbands at all times so his needs were met and he would not be tempted to stray—mainly based on today’s passage, and the call for wives to submit “in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24).
Depending on how strictly these passages were interpreted, women were sometimes forced into sexual activity—even acts they weren’t comfortable with. His needs and pleasure were paramount; hers were secondary or ignored.
Understandably, these women felt dishonored, used, and hurt. Godly submission apparently meant the loss of agency, even over their own bodies, all in the name of Scripture.
To be clear, there is a beautiful Christlike application of today’s passage where either spouse might not “be feeling it” but lovingly engages with their spouse anyway to bless them.
But this must be chosen, never forced. Choosing sex even when you’re not feeling it is servant-hearted; forcing another into it is slavery.
If our understanding of Scripture doesn’t look like Jesus, then we need to adjust it.
Imagine Jesus was married—He who came to put others first, set aside His own needs, and lay down His life for us (Mark 10:45; Philippians 2:6-8).
Can you possibly imagine Jesus forcing His hypothetical wife into sex against her will?
I find the idea impossible. It simply does not look like Jesus. It is the exact opposite of His life, teaching, and character.
Christlike men understand this and treat their wives with honor. If she is less interested in sex than you are, figure out why together. If you need help, talk with a pastor or counselor that you trust. There are biblically faithful solutions that also honor the wife God has gifted you.
Prayer: Father, bless my marital relations with mutual satisfaction and intimacy. Forgive me for any time when I have been selfish in this area. Help my wife and me to love each other well and better in this part of our marriage. Amen.
Reflection: Based on today’s teaching, is there anything you need to discuss with your spouse? Are there any amends that need to be made?
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