How impactful does a conversation have to be for you to remember it almost word for word more than twenty years later?
For me, it happened one winter afternoon while driving by West Edmonton Mall on our way home after my wife and I had just finished some errands with our two small kids.
And for once, it had been a good trip. No meltdowns. No negotiating treaties in the back seat. I was feeling very grateful, genuinely optimistic, and pretty good about life in general.
So, I asked a question I thought would get a favourable answer from my wife:
“On a scale of one to ten, how would you score our marriage, with one being low and ten being high?”
In my head, I had already come up with my answer. I thought for sure she would say we were at a solid eight, maybe even a nine.
She paused, looked out the window, and said, “Probably a six.”
I nearly introduced our minivan to the curb and a snowy sidewalk.
I was stunned that she scored it so low. But as she explained why she landed at a six, I realized something uncomfortable.
She wasn’t wrong.
I had been leading our relationship with warning lights on our marriage dashboard blinking, while telling myself everything was fine.
I’m no mechanic, but I know this much: dashboard lights don’t come on for no reason. They come on because something needs attention. Maybe you’re like me. You don’t panic when a dashboard light shows up on your vehicle. You pause, listen, and drive a little longer. Turn up the sports radio. Hope it sorts itself out, and think, “If I ignore these lights, they might go away.”
Marriages can work the same way because most men don’t wake up thinking about the health of their marriage. If there’s no yelling, no crisis, no emergency marriage counseling appointment, we assume things must be fine.
But a marriage can survive for years while slowly losing kindness, friendship, and connection. Not because of one big failure, but because of slow, quiet neglect. Warning lights glowing, but unnoticed and ignored.
When my wife said our marriage was a “six,” she was pointing at the dashboard lights I had ignored or hoped would sort themselves out.
Healthy marriages don’t avoid warning lights. They respond to them. The lights aren’t signs of failure. They’re signs of mercy—early indicators that something important needs attention before the damage becomes irreparable.
Healthy marriages don’t avoid warning lights. They respond to them.
If you want to lead well as a husband, don’t guess. Gauge! Pay attention to your marriage dashboard.
I want to quickly highlight three important marriage dashboard lights that will help you gauge the health of your marriage.
1) Battery Warning Light: Your Spiritual Health
Batteries rarely die instantly. They weaken slowly over time, especially under stressful conditions. When your spiritual connection is low or interrupted, grace wears out, stress hits harder, and unity begins to weaken. It can still function at limited levels for a time, but eventually it won’t start.
You must keep the batteries recharging. Having just a moment with God here and there won’t keep your power levels strong. It’s about bringing God into every area of your life throughout each moment of your life.
This battery warning system is the most important dashboard light. If this system isn’t working, nothing else works well. If you ignore this warning light, your marriage will eventually become a non-starter. Your own strength is not enough to keep your marriage healthy—you need God’s power!
Marriage Dashboard Question:
How well are we doing spiritually as individuals and as a couple?
2) Lane Departure Warning: Attentiveness and Direction
For years, my wife and I have done pre-marriage coaching with young couples, and we always start the first session with this quote:
“Direction, not intention, determines destination.”
We’ve met many couples who intended to be happily married for decades, but the direction their marriage was headed would never take them to that destination.
Modern vehicles warn you when you’re drifting out of your lane. Most marriages don’t fall apart because of rebellion. They drift because of inattention. Good intentions remain, but direction quietly changes lanes and takes the wrong off-ramps.
Most marriages don’t fall apart because of rebellion. They drift because of inattention.
You don’t drift into a healthy marriage. You intentionally decide your direction.
Recently, I rented a vehicle that, through a dashboard message, suggested I take a coffee break because I had been driving for a while. Maybe that’s the message you need. Take your wife out for a coffee. Do regular check-ins. Make sure your marriage is heading in the right direction.
Marriage Dashboard Question:
Is our marriage intentionally growing, or slowly drifting?
3) Oil Pressure Warning Light: Communication and Conflict
Every young couple my wife and I have coached has needed help with communication and conflict. Good communication reduces conflict, and healthy conflict needs good communication.
Oil reduces friction. Without it, everything grinds, wears down, and eventually stops working. Communication is that lubricant for a marriage. When communication breaks down, especially during conflict, the marriage stops working.
Unresolved conflict becomes emotional friction. Conversations get sharp, patience runs thin, and small things cause big reactions. Ignoring conflict doesn’t preserve peace. It wears down your marriage.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about repair, because unaddressed tension always costs more later.
Marriage Dashboard Question:
How effectively are we handling communication and conflict resolution?
A Simple Assessment
For each warning light, ask yourself honestly what color it is:
- Green: Healthy and attended
- Yellow: Needs attention
- Red: Immediate action needed
Now go and ask your wife, and compare answers!
Don’t try to fix everything at once. Pray about which one needs your attention first, and go for it. God will help you!
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