Leadership always requires two things:
- Guiding people in a particular direction.
- Being accountable for what you say and do.
Both areas will lead to tough questions. Whether you are helping men to understand a Bible passage or leading them to do something significant in your community, you will face questions. Some men ask these questions to gain a better understanding, while others have a desire to be combative.
Whether you are helping men to understand a Bible passage or leading them to do something significant in your community, you will face questions.
Here are five of the biggest mistakes you can make when asked tough questions, as well as ways you can avoid them:
Mistake #1: Fake it.
Imagine a moment when you lead a Bible study with a group of men, and someone asks you a difficult question you did not see coming. You don’t want to sound like you don’t know what you’re talking about, so you make up an answer on the spot that sounds spiritual, but deep down, you don’t know if it’s true.
Never fake your answer to difficult questions. The fear men have of appearing to be a failure often tempts us to pose as someone we really aren’t. When you fake an answer, you do a disservice to God, to the people you serve, and also to yourself in your own growth.
If you don’t know, just be honest and invite the person to journey with you to find the answer. Then you can both win and learn together.
Mistake #2: Push back.
Tough questions often feel like you are being backed into a corner. The “fight” response is a way to push back against what feels like a threat to your leadership, knowledge, or decision-making. This can manifest as anger, aggression, or verbal lashing out.
Sometimes the price of godly leadership is to keep your mouth shut. The Bible teaches us in James 1:19 that we should “be slow to speak and quick to listen.” If you feel the urge to push back against someone, take a deep breath and pray the Lord will give you the grace to hear what they are saying. You may learn something about yourself or the other person when you do this. Instead of rushing to defend yourself, trust God to be your defender.
Mistake #3: Ignore them.
The other half of how we tend to defend ourselves is “flight” instead of “fight.” This is where we run away from the questions or the people asking them. If you have ever watched a political debate, this happens all the time. Political leaders rarely answer challenging questions during a debate. They quickly deflect and change the subject to make whatever point they want to make.
If you take the time to listen to the heart of the hard question, you may discover that the person asking it has a piece of information you were not aware of that could help your leadership be even more effective. Never ignore the questions or the people asking them.
Mistake #4: Blame-shift.
“It’s not my fault this happened—someone else did it and I’m picking up the mess.” Even if you are correct, this is simply a missed opportunity.
Part of leadership is clearly defining the present reality. People may not like it and may want to blame someone, but blaming rarely resolves the difficult question. Your role as a leader is to stay focused on answering the question and charting a path forward.
Imagine you are planning a men’s breakfast and you walk into church to find there are no eggs or bacon. When the question is asked, “What happened?” you could say, “I don’t know—Bob didn’t get the food like he was supposed to” (sorry to every Bob out there, I’m just picking on you).
Bob’s mistake may be true, but it doesn’t answer the more pressing question: How are we going to make sure there is food for this event? As a leader, be more focused on solutions than on blame. You can chat with Bob privately later about what went wrong this time and how it can be fixed for next time.
Mistake #5: “Just trust me.”
This might be the greatest mistake. When leaders say it, it sounds defensive and hollow. I’ve seen this response to everything from difficult questions during a Bible study to significant leadership decisions.
There are indeed moments when you cannot share every detail of a decision with those you follow due to privacy concerns. However, most difficult questions require you to dig a little deeper and provide more detailed information to show how and why you made your decision or said what you said. Healthy accountability will help you build trust with the people you lead.
Leading men is a sacred trust from God. Embrace the tough questions as an opportunity to grow as a leader and to strengthen the men God has called you to invest in.
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