What is your typical response to the mistakes you make as a leader?
I’ve never met a man who wants to fail, yet we all know there are plenty of times we do.
Some of us blame shift: “If they wouldn’t have done this, then I wouldn’t have done that.”
Others ignore the mistake and hope nobody else notices.
Sometimes, we can feel deep shame or even fear for the consequences of our mistakes.
I’ve never met a man who wants to fail, yet we all know there are plenty of times we do.
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to accept up front that you will make mistakes as a leader.
This will help you avoid most unhealthy responses and open the door for an even greater gift to yourself and the people you lead: learning from your mistakes.
Here are five questions to ask yourself to help you redeem your mistakes:
1. How do I take responsibility for my actions?
There can be many reasons for a mistake.
I remember one mistake I made as a leader. Nobody showed up for an event I was organizing. It was frustrating and disappointing, and I was upset with many people.
But then I had to look in the mirror and consider my contributions to the mistake.
Did I consider what else was on the calendar?
Did I promote the event properly?
Did I pray about the event?
If you cannot take responsibility for your actions, you are destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Taking responsibility and learning from mistakes help you make better choices next time.
2. What is going on inside of me?
When we make a mistake, our bodies and souls often automatically respond. Your response tells you a story.
For example, if a mistake automatically leads to thoughts of “You’re constantly failing” or “You aren’t good enough,” it can be a sign of an identity issue. If you believe your worth is measured in your performance, you may need to remind yourself that your worth is based on who God says you are.
If you are in Christ, God already approves of you. Any condemnation you are experiencing is a lie from the devil seeking to destroy you (Romans 8:1).
3. What was the “real” mistake?
People often identify something as a mistake based on what they initially experienced.
For example, if you were teaching a men’s Bible study and said something theologically incorrect, you would identify that as a mistake.
But the mistake you or someone else experiences is usually a series of mistakes that led up to it.
You likely said something theologically incorrect because you did not prepare properly for the study. While your theological inaccuracy was a mistake, the root issue was your preparation.
Identifying the real mistake makes us aware and helps us avoid it in the future.
4. Why did the real mistake happen?
There can be many reasons for that root mistake.
Maybe you did not have access to proper study resources, or maybe you got slammed at work all week and only had a short period of time to prepare for the Bible study.
There can be legitimate reasons for the mistakes, or there can be a series of reasons of your own making (maybe procrastination??).
Digging down to answer the “why” helps us recognize what might have gone wrong and helps us to learn from it.
5. What habits do I need to develop to prevent myself from making the same mistake again?
Learning from your mistakes is not simply saying, “I will do better next time.” Something led to the mistake, and there are steps to take to prevent it from happening again.
Using the example we have been discussing, what study habits will you develop, and what changes to your schedule will give you the appropriate amount of time to prepare?
Studies say creating a new habit takes an average of 66 days. Your promise to learn is not enough; you need to take concrete steps to build the right habits so you can improve next time.
Rest in God’s Grace
Grace is evidence that God assumes you will make mistakes. You would not need grace if He assumed you would be perfect.
People will not always give you grace. Sometimes, they can make your life very difficult after you have made a mistake. But you can rest in this truth:
“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and great in faithful love. The Lord is good to everyone; his compassion rests on all he has made” (Psalm 145:8-9).
Resting in God’s grace will give you the courage to take bold steps that could end in bold mistakes. As a son of God, your failures do not define you; you are defined by your heavenly Father.
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