“As a leader, are you trying to answer questions nobody is asking?”
This question stopped me in my tracks one day.
It is a humbling question that is often the difference between leading a lot of activity, and being an effective leader of men.
Many men find themselves leading a men’s group because they have a strong desire to help other men.
But sometimes, there is a disconnect between what you want for the group and what the group needs.
Here are a few steps to help you discern the true needs of your group.
Sometimes, there is a disconnect between what you want for the group and what the group needs.
Exegete the Culture
You may be familiar with the idea of “exegeting” the Bible. This is the process of studying the Bible to understand what a passage means.
Exegeting a culture involves studying its values, beliefs, history, and other aspects to gain a deeper understanding.
It’s essential to understand what has shaped the men in your group. For example, one day, I had the opportunity to visit a community where almost every boy grew up without a dad. This kind of experience has a profound impact on how men behave, how they treat women, and what they think of when they hear the phrase “God the Father.”
A sound exegesis of your group’s culture will help you understand the kinds of topics to discuss, illustrations to use, and even the rhythms of when to plan activities for your men.
Survey the Men
One of the simplest ways to discern the needs of your group is simply to ask them. The reality is that many men won’t be able to answer the question of what they need, so consider asking some specific questions to help get the creative ideas flowing.
I like doing what is called a “SWOT analysis.” You can sit down with your group and draw a chart with four quadrants. Each quadrant should answer one of these questions:
- What are the strengths (S) of the men in our group?
- What are the weaknesses (W)?
- What opportunities (O) can help us use our strengths and address our weaknesses?
- What threats (T) exist that would take us away from being the men God wants us to be?
Using a basic set of questions, along with listening to their answers, will help you create solutions that meet the needs of the men in your group.
Survey with a Twist
Spiritual leadership is dramatically different than leadership in other environments. Many leaders are taught to listen to what people want and then give it to them.
However, when it comes to discipleship and spiritual formation, there is often a disconnect between what we want and what we truly need.
Most men don’t want to read the Bible, but they need God’s Word in their hearts and minds if they are going to have a fighting chance in the spiritual battles of life.
Spiritual health surveys are one way to discern the needs of your men. They don’t ask men what they want; they ask men to consider the health of their walk with Jesus.
Spiritual health surveys ask men to evaluate the spiritual fruit in their lives rather than the activities they participate in. The easiest way to create a spiritual health survey is to write out a list of phrases that describe a spiritually healthy man. Then, ask your men to honestly evaluate their lives against the list.
Spiritual activities then help to create spiritual health in the same way healthy eating and exercise help create physical health. For example, attending church is not the same as having the fruit of the Spirit in your life (see Galatians 5:22-23). Hanging out with your kids is not the same as being a spiritual leader for them (see Ephesians 6:4).
Once you understand the spiritual health of your men, ask what activities will help encourage their areas of strength and what activities will help address their areas of weakness.
Listen to the Holy Spirit
This may be the most obvious step in discerning your group’s needs, but it is quite often the most neglected. We tend to lean on our abilities and research rather than understanding the reality that God knows the needs of our men in a far greater way than we can on our own.
God knows the hearts of the men in your group. He even knows what they need before they know they need it (Matthew 6:7-8). When your ministry focuses solely on meeting the needs that exist today, you will find yourself constantly putting out fires, but rarely preventing them from happening. If you listen to the Holy Spirit, you will find yourself investing in ways that not only meet the immediate needs but also prepare men for things that are still to come.
Prayer should be the most foundational and consistent step you take to discern the needs of your group.
Understanding the needs of your men can elevate your leadership to a new level. It will transform you from a planner of activities to a leader who makes a real difference.
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