In 2022, hopes were high for the Toronto Blue Jays as they entered the playoffs with a young core of players who seemed destined for great things.
Things did not go according to plan, including an epic collapse of a seven-run lead in one game (I was there, and it was ugly).
In a post-season press conference, management made a series of technical comments that left Blue Jays fans even angrier because nobody understood what they were saying. The fans wanted to hear how management felt about the loss, with a simple plan to fix it for next year, but management failed to “read the room.”
The pattern repeated in 2023, and it almost cost the team a whole group of fans who were ready to give up because they couldn’t trust team leadership.
As a leader, “reading the room”—properly observing and understanding where your people are at—is one of the most important skills you can develop.
Leadership is part vision, part strategy, and part bringing people with you. Reading the room is what will help you be effective in all three.
Here are some essential practices that will sharpen your ability to read the room.
Leadership is part vision, part strategy, and part bringing people with you. Reading the room is what will help you be effective in all three.
Observation
A friend of mine shared this illustration with me, which I found to be helpful.
Imagine you are in a large room, sitting on a balcony overlooking the room.
As you look down at all the people in the room, what are you observing? What’s the overall feeling in the room? Pay attention to people’s body language, engagement with others, age, etc.
Now, apply this to your men’s ministry.
As you look out over the room, are the men eager to get out of your ministry event as fast as possible? Are they looking at their cell phones all the time? Are they engaged in good conversation with other men, and even better, do you see any men praying for each other?
Each of those observations tells you a big picture story of what is going on. It’s crucial to develop this observational skill because the further down this list you go, the more dangers there are to be aware of.
Facts
One of the most important ways to read the room is to get some data.
Data helps neutralize emotions. In ministry, emotions often lead us. Frank may be upset about something and say things like, “I’ve been talking to others who are also upset.” Getting data helps you know whether Frank is rightly sharing what’s going on in the room or simply one frustrated voice while everyone else is doing well.
I’ve had people say something to me like, “You’re losing all the financial giving because the people who give are upset.” Those people are usually shocked when I can come back with facts about how giving has actually increased.
One of the ways to gain some facts about where your men are at is to do a “spiritual health” survey. This will give you a picture of where men believe they are succeeding and where they are struggling. You can learn their work patterns and family situations—all of which help develop your ministry plans.
Listening
Standing up on the balcony and observing is essential, but it’s equally important to connect with men and listen. What are the conversations men are having? Who are they listening to that is shaping their beliefs and actions?
The temptation when it comes to listening as a leader is the same temptation we face in the rest of life: we only listen to the same people over and over again.
You can get caught in a vortex of the same individuals’ opinions and perspectives. Just because your friends are fans of (insert your favorite sports team here) does not mean every guy is a fan of that team. Just because one guy wants a Bible study on pornography does not mean that is what every guy wants.
You have to diversify who you listen to if you are going to read the room well. Your job is to listen and then discern an overall sense of what the men are thinking about so you can give direction to your ministry.
Reading the Room Is Not Consumerism
I want to say one final word about this topic. Some leaders may be tempted to believe that taking these steps feeds a “consumer” mindset in your ministry, where you only worry about giving the “customers” what they want.
If you aren’t careful, these steps can very well do just that, leading you to a place where you just give men what they want, when they want, and how they want.
However, instead of seeing this through the lens of consumerism, see it through the lens of shepherding.
If you are going to lead people anywhere, you need to know where they are at today. As a ministry leader, you still need to be led by Jesus and guide men where He wants them to go. But having a better sense of where men are at will shape how you help them become the men God created them to be.
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