In the early days of the Men’s Ministry movement of the 1990s, I was standing outside the old Silverdome near Detroit, Michigan, when something happened that stunned me.
An airplane flew overhead carrying a banner that read, “Men Don’t Own Women.”
I remember thinking to myself, “That seems like a lot of money to spend on a protest banner that every man here who saw it would agree with.”
There have always seemed to be some strange dynamics at play in men’s ministry as it relates to women.
On one hand, many people are suspicious of a ministry for men only as a grand conspiracy to restore a patriarchal worldview. I remember a time when a co-worker in men’s ministry was kicked off a radio station because of the perceptions they had. To be honest, some of these responses are warranted based on the historical ways many men have treated women.
There have always seemed to be some strange dynamics at play in men’s ministry as it relates to women.
On the other hand, many men are tired of being branded as “bad men” because of the sins of some men towards women.
Most men connect with a men’s ministry because they want to be better men for the women in their lives. Other men connect with a men’s group because they’ve been on the receiving end of terrible treatment from women.
The tension between the sexes is as old as humanity. God told Eve in Genesis 3 that part of the curse of sin on the world would result in a battle of control between men and women (Genesis 3:15).
So, what role does a ministry to men in the local church play in this saga?
It’s important to remember that what we are trying to build are disciples of Jesus. We don’t exist simply to give men good advice; we exist to help men understand that they become the best version of themselves when they become more like Jesus.
When it comes to women, one key lesson we can teach is that men are better off because they encountered Jesus than they were without Him.
You play an important role in helping men understand how to honor and serve women. This should be something you talk about often. Regularly ask the question:
How can we make the lives of women better?
When it comes to women, one key lesson we can teach is that men are better off because they encountered Jesus than they were without Him.
This ranges from within your family to how to help men stop objectifying women, to even talking about human sex trafficking around the world. One of the best ways to help men understand how to honor women is to seek input and perspective from a woman periodically. Invite godly women to write an article, share a testimony, or give some ideas that will help men see life through a woman’s eyes.
However, don’t make the mistake of thinking you only need to help men learn how to honor women. There are also a lot of men who have had their lives negatively impacted by women.
According to a Government of Canada report, about 36% of all men report experiencing Intimate Partner Violence in their lifetime. While many of these come from same sex relationships, not all do. Other men have significant mother wounds. Then there are the men who are in a relationship with women who have believed a dangerous version of feminism where the woman can do no wrong and the man can do no right.
In these situations, you will also need to help men identify the ways women have hurt them, but you can’t end the story there.
Jesus teaches us how to trust Him with justice, how to forgive those who have offended us, and how to learn to love again. These will be the layers that need to be worked through before you can even get to the issue of honoring and serving women.
One last bit of advice:
See the women’s ministry in your church as an ally.
Meet together with women’s ministry leaders and marriage ministry leaders to understand how you can cooperate for the benefit of shaping both men and women as disciples of Jesus.
One way this works in my church is through a rotation of annual major events every three years. Each year, we run a men’s conference, a women’s conference, or a marriage conference. We invite men to serve at the women’s conference, women to serve at the men’s conference, and couples to serve together at the marriage event. It becomes a win/win all the way around.
Your ministry to men will impact the lives of women because the men you minister to will also have their lives intersect with women.
The only question is what kind of impact the men in your church will have on the lives of women.
One of the success factors of every ministry to men should be that women are thriving as men follow Jesus.
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