“Leadership is a fine thing, but it has its penalties. And the greatest penalty is loneliness.”
These are the words of Ernest Shackleton, the great explorer who led multiple expeditions to the Antarctic early in the 20th century.
Shackleton was correct. Leadership comes with a price tag, and one of the costs leaders pay is loneliness. Leaders often spend long hours and great emotional energy not only doing their work, but thinking about their work. Time spent on work makes it difficult to cultivate meaningful friendships. By default, leaders are often out in front of where everyone else is. You see what needs to be done, make difficult decisions, and take risks that sometimes work (and sometimes don’t).
All of this puts you in a place where you can quickly end up on an island by yourself because others do not truly understand or appreciate all that goes into your leadership responsibilities.
Loneliness is a reality whether you lead in a business or Christian ministry context. A survey conducted by the Center for Creative Leadership revealed that 76% of executives experienced feelings of loneliness. Among pastors, a Barna article in 2023 indicated that 65% of pastors report feeling lonely at least sometimes.
All of this puts you in a place where you can quickly end up on an island by yourself because others do not truly understand or appreciate all that goes into your leadership responsibilities.
If you are a man considering a leadership responsibility, it is essential to count the cost. If you are reading this article and are already feeling alone as a leader, it is critical to know that you are not alone. That’s the great irony. We know others out there feel the same way, but so many of us continue to feel very isolated.
Here are some ideas to combat the loneliness you experience.
Encourage Yourself with the Gospel
The Gospel is Good News for your life. Too many Christians make the Gospel good news for people who are not yet Christians, and then we forget how it is Good News for us for our entire lives. For example, when Jesus gives His disciples the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20, He finishes with this promise: “I am with you always, to the end of the age.” That’s a Gospel truth. You did not earn the promise of Jesus’s presence—it is by His grace.
Here’s another one. In James 1:5, we are told that “if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him.” If there is one thing I know about those of us who lead, we always want wisdom on what to do. You have a direct line to the smartest person in the room, and He promises to give you His wisdom generously. That’s grace and Good News for every child of God.
Share with Your Spouse and Family
Too many men avoid talking to their spouse about their leadership challenges. Sometimes, it’s because they don’t believe she fully understands the complexities of their leadership. Other times, it is because they love her and don’t want to burden her with what they are experiencing.
But I can almost guarantee you that the pressures of your leadership challenges are bleeding over into your relationships at home anyway. Talking to your spouse regularly is not about fixing the challenges but about sharing life as partners. Not all relationships are designed to resolve your problems; sometimes, it is just good to know you have someone in your corner, which is what your spouse and family can be for you. That’s part of how God designed family relationships to work.
Connect Regularly with Peers or Mentors
Multiple networks exist where you can be in the same room as your peers or others who have gone before you and can be mentors. If you are a men’s ministry leader, connect to the Impactus Men’s Ministry Leader Network. The reality is that sometimes we get lonely simply because we don’t take the time to put ourselves in environments that can help resolve our loneliness.
Getting connected is only the first step. The second step is honesty when you’re in those environments. Ask questions. Share challenges. The good news in the world of ministry is that nobody else in the room is your competitor—they are your teammates. Access their presence and wisdom to help you.
You are not alone. While temptations to work harder and keep quiet may make you feel alone, those temptations are lies designed to weaken your leadership.
Step out and see all the resources God has surrounded you with to help you be an even stronger leader for the mission He has called you to in your ministry to men.
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