“You never told me that.”
Has someone ever said that to you before?
If you are married, this conversation is almost guaranteed to occur. You probably did say the words; it’s just that the person listening may not have been fully present to hear what was being said.
Clear and consistent communication is one of a good leader’s most important skills and disciplines. Good communication is the difference between checking a task off your list or truly bringing people with you in a direction. It’s the difference between people feeling like you don’t care and people believing you are trustworthy.
The problem is that you have a lot of competition when communicating.
A recent study by Harvard psychologists revealed that “we spend 47% of every waking hour ‘mind wandering.’” These are the moments where we are thinking about random things for no apparent reason, and the problem is, you don’t even know when your listeners are living in this reality because they don’t often realize it.
Most people are exposed to between 4,000 and 10,000 advertisements each day, and the average person receives about 120 work-related emails per day.
In other words, we are bombarded with messages.
Business leaders have learned all these statistics and discovered that humans need to be exposed to a message at least seven times before it sticks.
In other words, if you want people to hear you, you must keep communicating the same message repeatedly. If your message is unclear or inconsistent, then you can assume you will need to communicate even more times than that. Clarity and consistency are your friends in reducing the times you must repeat a message and inviting people to respond.
Now, apply this principle to your men’s ministry context. Leaders need to learn how to communicate on both a macro (to a large group) and a micro (one-on-one or small group) level.
When casting a large vision, it is important to remember that you are talking to different people who process change and ideas at a different pace. You will always have a small group of people on board immediately, but if you want to bring more with you, you need to understand there are more people who did not hear everything you said the first time.
Spiritual growth in people’s lives also requires consistent and clear communication. God built this right into His way of bringing about changed lives. In 1 Corinthians 3:5-9, Paul talks about how transformation happens: seeds are planted and watered, but God brings the growth. The same message is repeated again and again.
Don’t ever be afraid to repeat themes and topics when leading men; they may truly hear the message for the first time, or it may be the moment when it sinks in and results in transformation.
When promoting your men’s activities, it will take seven to twelve communication points for people to hear the message enough that they might act on it. Make sure your men know everything they need to know to want to be part of your activities.
This principle even applies in personal conversations. No matter how much you try, you cannot force another person to be fully present with you.
Try this: have a conversation with someone and then send them a note with a couple of reminders or things you are praying for them that came from the conversation. These multiple touchpoints will help you communicate clearly with the other person.
People expect leaders to communicate. When they don’t feel like you are communicating, they can feel you do not care about them or the issue.
Notice what I said—do they “feel” like you communicate clearly and consistently? It doesn’t matter if you think you are; it only matters if they believe you are.
But if your communication is clear and consistent, you will earn trust because people will be able to see your care for them and your thoughtfulness in the details of what you share.
Keep working to improve your communication as a leader. It will be a gift to you and the people you are trying to lead. As film composer John Powell said, “Communication works for those who work at it.”
About
