What makes a good dad?
Now there’s a good question.
As a dad six times over, I’ve asked this question many times, especially after being sure I’ve colossally messed it up and stumbled into “bad-dad” territory.
I have gotten angry and been dismissive. I have been obtuse and selfish. I have been, well, shockingly human. Too often, I have looked in the mirror, gazing at my own inadequacy, lamenting and rejoicing over this journey that being fruitful and multiplying has set me upon.
For what it’s worth, from one sojourner to another, I offer a few reflections on what makes a good dad.
May these wandering ponderings put some wind in your sails, my fellow fathers of courage!
1. We need the courage to receive from our Good Dad.
Jesus was deeply aware of the love of his Dad: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love” (John 15:9 NIV). Jesus knew His place as the beloved of the Father and invites us into the orbit of that same unshakeable embrace.
To be a good dad, I’m convinced, requires the courage to receive the love of God the Father and remain in that love. To know I am adopted, belong, have peace, and need not prove myself with the Good Dad becomes the bedrock of assurance and identity when the man in the mirror raises many questions.
2. We need the courage to admit.
Admit what, you ask?
While facing annihilation, King Jehoshaphat stared down daunting odds and enormous pressure from his own people in the face of an overwhelming enemy. In the end, he simply modelled something profound for his people (and us), seen clearly in his desperate prayer:
“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You” (2 Chronicles 20:12 NIV).
The world is a messy, crazy, spiraling out of control place these days. Sometimes, it’s good to admit we don’t know what to do, but we know Who does.
“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You” (2 Chronicles 20:12 NIV).
“Admitting” goes even further, however. Sometimes we must admit when we were wrong and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes we must admit we have something to learn from other generations. And sometimes we need to admit that we do know something and stop the omission of silence.
To admit is to step in, to cross the threshold of knowing or unknowing, and move into confident humility.
3. We need the courage to lead.
The Apostle Paul instructed Titus, “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance” (Titus 2:2 NIV). In other words, the older men—the fathers of the Christ-centered family of God—take the lead in how to live.
It takes courage to lead life by example. It takes courage to step into difficult situations with prayerfulness just because “someone has to do it.” It takes courage to keep growing in the faith. It takes courage to expect the next generation to look to you as an example of faithful endurance and someone who can be trusted to be present, dependable, and love incarnate.
This courage comes as we walk by the Spirit, keep in step with the Spirit, and set our sails to catch the wind of Heaven.
4. We need the courage to let go.
There’s a fine line between holding on and letting go.
It’s instructive that God the Father sent God the Son (John 3:16)—He let Him go.
Then, post-resurrection, God the Son sends His disciples in the same way: “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” (John 20:21 NIV).
Clearly, Jesus learned something from the Good Dad.
As I now dance between being a dad of adolescent and adult children, it seems to me that the courage to let go is necessary.
The kids need to be blessed to go, to try, to fail, to follow God’s adventures—or in some cases, stumble and fall (at least from my perspective) until they discover their own “prodigal child” moment.
It takes courage for a father to let go, but to control tightly is self-defeating and tends to seed resentment. Letting go inculcates blessing and honour; it liberates and makes room for the Good Dad to do more than any dad can ask or imagine.
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