This month, Impactus told me I could write about “anything I wanted” related to men’s mental health.
Anything, eh?
That’s a lot of options.
I’m sitting at Starbucks on a Saturday evening, racking my brain, asking myself the question of what I’d say to my fellow Christian men about mental health if I can say anything at all.
I think about all the clients I’ve worked with recently as a psychotherapist, the friends and brothers I’ve been walking with in my life, my personal experiences with therapy, and all that the Lord has been teaching me recently.
If I can say anything to brothers at all, I’d say this:
We need to get honest.
In recent months, I’ve experienced numerous sessions with male clients who struggle to tell me the truth about what they’re struggling with, even under the protection of confidentiality.
We need to get honest.
I’ve sat through similar conversations with Christian brothers who also refuse to get honest with me about the truth of what they’re going through.
I’ve also wrestled with the sadness of reading the stories of formerly influential Christian leaders whose ministries have collapsed as their hidden brokenness has involuntarily and publicly come to light.
At the same time, I’ve experienced the transformative power of getting radically honest about my struggles with my own therapist.
I’ve had impactful meetings with younger brothers who have been able to lay down the weight they’ve been carrying as they honestly disclose their struggles through confession.
I’ve also worked with courageous clients who have experienced profound change as they get thoroughly honest with themselves and with me in our sessions.
If honesty and authenticity are so important to our growth and development as men, why is it so difficult for men to get there?
Why do so many men struggle to open up?
We know that “lying lips are an abomination to the Lord” (Proverbs 12:22). Yet, many men walk around every day telling the false story that “Everything is great!” while closing their bedroom doors at night and wrestling with their pain, brokenness, and battles—alone.
So what’s going on?
The Pandemic of Performance
Spoiler alert: I don’t really have a definitive answer for you.
Yet, what I suspect is happening is that—as we watch the influence of social media and AI infiltrate every aspect of our society—we’re living in a pandemic of performance.
The pressure for men to use the latest tech tools at our disposal to publicly craft an image of our power, success, and strength in life, career, and even ministry is increasing swiftly and spreading globally.
It’s never been easier to hide the truth of our brokenness behind a flashy Instagram post. Consequently, men have been robbed of the healing power of allowing ourselves, our community, and our God to see us as we really are.
If we want to get healthy in life, in our relationships, and in our walk with the Lord, we need to vehemently fight the temptation to perform and eagerly pursue honesty and authenticity with ourselves, the Lord, and others.
The Biblical Mandate for Honesty
As referenced earlier, “lying lips” are an abomination to the Lord (Proverbs 12:22). The second half of that verse, though, tells us that “those who act faithfully are His delight.”
The Hebrew word for faithfully here is ’ĕ-mū-nāh. The word is used 49 times in the Bible, and in five of those times, it’s translated as truth, and in three other times, it’s translated as honesty.
Evidently, the Lord delights in truth and honesty, particularly in our inward being, as Psalm 51:6 confirms. He doesn’t look at outward appearance or stature, as He tells Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7, but He looks on the heart.
So, our performance doesn’t impress Him.
(Ouch or amen?)
I wonder if this is why David prayed in Psalm 139:23-24 that the Lord would search him, know his heart, try him, and know his thoughts.
Why would a man who’s keenly aware of God’s all-knowing nature ask Him to search his heart unless that man recognized his need for God to make the truth known to him?
We need God to make the truth known to us before we can even begin to get honest with Him, ourselves, and others. Without this honesty, we’ll never find the life and healing that we need.
The Psychological Benefits of Authenticity
I was also surprised to find that the psychological literature tells us that honesty and authenticity play a more important role in our mental health than we often recognize.
In a 2024 article in the Nature Reviews Psychology journal, Sedikides and Schlegal reviewed numerous studies on the topic and described authenticity as:
- honest awareness of our own motives, strengths, and weaknesses;
- unbiased processing of reality;
- behaving in a way that aligns with our values; and
- striving for honesty and trustfulness in relationships.
They concluded that authenticity is actually protective of psychological health, buffering against anxiety, depression, stress, and other negative mental health symptoms.
On the other hand, inauthenticity places a strain on psychological health and is associated with higher levels of anxiety, stress, and depression.
They concluded that authenticity is actually protective of psychological health, buffering against anxiety, depression, stress, and other negative mental health symptoms.
At the end of the day, when we fall short of honesty and authenticity and instead opt for hiding behind performance, we only end up hurting ourselves.
A Biblical Picture to Close
The prophet Ezekiel describes a river flowing from the Temple of God that we can understand as the life of the Holy Spirit:
“And wherever the river goes, every living creature that swarms will live, and there will be very many fish. For this water goes there, that the waters of the sea may become fresh; so everything will live where the river goes” (Ezekiel 47:9).
In contrast, Ezekiel describes the swamps where the river doesn’t reach:
“But its swamps and marshes will not become fresh; they are to be left for salt” (Ezekiel 47:11).
Here’s what this prophetic vision tells us:
Life happens wherever the river of the Holy Spirit reaches. Even the sea’s salt water becomes fresh.
On the other hand, areas that the river of the Spirit doesn’t touch (i.e., the swamps and marshes) remain dead.
Life happens wherever the river of the Holy Spirit reaches.
Our authenticity gives the Holy Spirit access to every part of our souls. Will we allow the life of the Spirit to touch even the most painful and broken places within us?
Or will we keep them as hidden as dead swamps and marshes, disconnected from the life-giving presence of God?
It’s time for men to open up.
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