The scenario is all too familiar.
Disagreements among good people on the leadership team end up derailing the men’s ministry.
It starts out with everyone being friends and looking forward to serving together, and it ends with people being frustrated, hurt, and angry.
Why does this happen in Christian ministry, and how can we avoid it?
People disagree over their preferences. It’s important to remember that every single person has a preference—a way they like things done. They don’t always know what it is, but they can tell you when they see it.
If things are not happening “my way,” I can get moody, disconnected, or downright oppositional.
Why?
Because my way is the right way. The main reason why good Christian people don’t get along is because they make ministry more about their personal preferences than the mission.
The main reason why good Christian people don’t get along is because they make ministry more about their personal preferences than the mission.
If you want to unify your leadership team for men’s ministry, here are 5 things you can do:
1. Repeat that the mission trumps preference, every time. If you have a clear focus on the mission (the purpose and the vision) of your ministry, this becomes the thing you stick with whether you like the method or not. The mission must trump personal preferences. If we don’t understand the mission, we think our preferences are the mission. The mission should be clear and biblical. If there is murkiness on the mission, someone can co-opt it to become about their preferences. I think Jesus Christ gave us the mission for every ministry in Matthew 28:18-20: to “make disciples.” Therefore, everything we do in the ministry must be connected to “making disciples.” If that is what we are here to do (our mission), then it doesn’t matter as much how we do it, as long as it’s biblical and getting that result. As Rick Warren noted (paraphrased), a great commitment to the Great Commission will build a great ministry.
2. Develop cultural values for the ministry. If the mission is the “why” and the vision is the “what,” then the values are the “how.” This helps us answer the question, “How are we going to work together?” Ministries that are disunified either have no shared values or have strayed away from them. Clearly stated values guide us to a “working relationship.” They need to express how we will treat one another as we work together. Develop these values with your team, repeat them regularly, and commit to calling someone out if they do not abide by them. If someone’s behavior isn’t aligning, point it out to them and say, “I’m failing to see how this is helping us live out our values.” Shared values guide us and help us achieve the mission together. Without these, each of us will do what is right in our own eyes (Judges 17:6).
3. Practice Matthew 18. Jesus laid out a clear plan when it comes to disagreements among brothers. First, go directly to your brother and let him know the issue (Matthew 18:15). If the issue is not resolved, then go with someone else to talk to him. Most Christians talk about the issue to other people long before they’ve talked about it with the offender. It’s time to stop gossiping (a sin—Romans 1:29) and go directly to the person who offended you. A healthy conflict resolution system is important to create a clear expectation of what happens when we disagree. Disagreements will happen, but do we know what to do when it happens? If there is a clear path determined for how we will solve problems, then men can easily walk it and be called out if they don’t.
4. Create and preserve a culture of peace. This is an aspect that often goes missing in many ministries. A “culture of peace” means we will always respect one another. A culture of peace means that we will not criticize a teammate in an unhelpful way. A culture of peace means we will not gossip or belittle any team member. A culture of peace means we will not let our emotions get the best of us and respond in a way that we would not want to be treated ourselves (Matthew 7:12). A culture of peace means we will sacrifice what we love for something we love even more. A culture of peace says it’s not about “me” but about “we.” If we regularly talk about and promote peace in our ministry meetings, we will have a culture of peace.
5. Create a “ministry covenant.” Take everything we’ve just talked about and put it in a document that ministry leaders have to review and sign every year. A ministry covenant is a succinct agreement that lays out the mission (the why), the vision (the what), the values (the how), as well as some key cultural pieces that every single person involved in the leadership of the ministry has to commit to and sign annually. This unifies men on the same page and creates an objective document that can be presented to bring clarification to a situation. Ministry covenants are a strengthening agent in maintaining unity and laying out the expectations for ministry in the leadership team.
Don’t allow personal preferences to get you off mission. Clarify your values and your process for handling disagreement. Create a culture of peace and make the ministry’s mission clear. All this should happen within the unity of a shared ministry covenant. This will create unity amongst the team, and a unified team is unstoppable.
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